Divorce
Matthew 5:31-32
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Sermon Summary Once again, Jesus dives right to the heart of the issue at hand - this time, divorce. Examining heart motives and speaking hard truth, our Lord gives us the key to a successful marriage relationship. |
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Matthew 5:31-32
“It was also said, ‘Whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce.’ But I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except on the ground of sexual immorality, makes her commit adultery, and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.”
We are in the thick of it here in the Sermon on the Mount. I think it would be interesting to be able to go back in time and witness the reactions on people’s faces as Jesus first preached this sermon. As I work through the text, you can’t help but see the shocking ways Jesus has been correcting wrong thinking and misinterpretations of the OT laws; he’s been drilling straight into the hearts of his audience.
So many people of Jesus’ time thought that they were righteous. They had an air of innocence about them. But Jesus has been pulling back the curtain to expose their guilt. He started with murder. You can imagine the faces on some of them when he said, “Your anger, your name-calling, your failure to be reconciled - these grudges that you hold are all types of homicide. You might not stand before the Sanhedrin or have to make arguments in a Roman court, but you will stand before the judgment seat of God.”
Then he moves to the seventh commandment, and you might say that he undresses the issue there so that everyone feels naked and exposed before God. It gets a little uncomfortable when he starts saying that your looks and mental indulgences are obscene to God. The fact that you do not deal swiftly and drastically with the lusts of your heart shows that you are adulterers.
Now, in our passage today, he takes that seventh commandment one step further. He continues to deal with the seventh commandment, but this time he really rips it open. Those who were self-righteous would have really been hit hard when he says that they were not just adulterers at heart, but they were bonafide adulterers by the way they defied the sanctity of their marriages.
I would assume that much of what we have talked about has been convicting at several different points for us as well. I would further assume that today’s message will be even more eye-opening, especially given the proliferation of divorce in our society today.
Some of you might be thinking that since we have two verses today, that means a short outline, but I regret to report that I have four points that I would like to us to think about today: 1) The problem Jesus addresses, 2) the perversity Jesus attacks, 3) the principle Jesus assumes, and 4) the pardon Jesus affords.
I. The problem Jesus addresses
Jesus states in the opening verse (31), “It was also said, ‘Whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce.’” In stating those words, Jesus is highlighting the common practice of his day.
The problem was that in Jesus’ day, there was a proliferation of divorce, much like our own day. There was a belief that you could divorce your wife for basically any reason. If she came to displease you in some way, whether she burned your toast in the morning or just got on your nerves a bit, you could be justified in kicking her out of the house and sending her away.
The only encumbrance was that you had to file the proper paperwork. That’s the issue of the certificate of divorce that Jesus mentions. Many of the religious teachers said that as long as you filed the correct documents and made sure to get the legal paperwork written up, then you were justified in breaking off your marriage.
You see how the self-righteousness is evident here, don’t you? It’s all about the external. It’s all about the formalities. Just get the right credentials, make sure you have the lingo right, and if you do, God will be perfectly happy with you.
Now, there was a law in the OT that talked about divorce and the need for a legal certificate. I do want to make that clear. Deut. 24 says that if your wife comes to displease you and you find some indecency in her and you want to divorce her, part of what you need to do is write up a formal certificate of divorce. Once you have this decree, you must put it in her hand. That’s part of the regulation regarding divorce.
The problem was that the religious leaders came to think that this was giving credence to divorce. They thought that this law justified one’s divorce. That was not the case at all. What the law was meant to do was regulate and restrain the practice of divorce.
Moses was given this law in order to help prevent divorce from happening. Part of the reason for it was to make it more difficult for men and women to get divorced. In the ancient world (and even many places around the world still today), all you had to do to get a divorce was to shout “I divorce you” three times. So, if you got into a spat, there in the heat of your passion, you could just shout and it was settled.
This law made divorce a little more difficult. It gave you time to cool off and think about how stupid you were to get angry. It gave you time to see your faults and work out your problems.
So, in that sense, it restrained divorce. But it also regulated the evil of divorce. You know, God’s not dumb. He knows men are evil and are not going to work out their problems. Men are going to defy God and send their wives away, so God sought to put certain regulations on it to keep society from falling into anarchy.
He does the same thing with slavery, does he not? You were not supposed to enslave your fellow Jew. But it happened. Now God said, if someone is enslaved, you can’t just beat them and disregard their life. You have to treat them with respect and give regard to their dignity.
So, you see, the religious leaders had completely missed the point of this law. They had created a form of no-fault divorce, like we have today. And they justified it. They justified their sin by the legalese.
Now, you see how the problem is very much akin to what is going on in our day. Marriage is not looked upon as a sacred covenant that two people enter into ’til death do they part. Marriage is looked at as a convention which can allow you certain pleasures and perks, and the moment that the husband or wife fails to provide that pleasure, then it may be terminated.
Today, we even put in our law code language that will help to justify our actions. Many states have what they call “no-fault” divorce laws so that people can get a divorce on the basis of what they call “irreconcilable differences” or “incompatibility.”
But there’s no such thing as an “irreconcilable difference.” Every difference is reconcilable. It just means you need to change. You need to repent or learn to show a little grace. And if you really think about it, there is no such thing as compatibility. After all, we are all sinners. We naturally repel one another.
All in all, we find ourselves in much the same situation today as it was in Jesus’ day. Divorce has become a commonplace thing. There has, for all practical purposes, become a serious downgrade in regard to the marriage covenant, so that people may leave their spouse without much ado.
That was the problem Jesus was addressing, but that’s not the only problem. Jesus points out that this problem leads to an even greater wickedness. And this is where we can talk about the perversity Jesus attacks.
II. The perversity Jesus attacks
Look at verse 32. Jesus says, “But I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except on the ground of sexual immorality, makes her commit adultery, and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.”
I mentioned a few moments ago that Jesus has just pointed out how the Jews may be adulterers at heart. Here he is pointing out that they are, in fact, violating the 7th commandment outright. They thought that they were innocent in regard to adultery, but Jesus points out that they were actually committing the act of adultery by virtue of how they were divorcing and entering into new marriages.
Now, you understand that Jesus puts down an exception clause. We should not miss that. Jesus says that sexual immorality can and does make lawful grounds for divorce. He says that there is one case in which divorce may be acceptable in God’s eyes, and it is when one of the parties in the relationship commits adultery. When that happens, someone may pursue a divorce and not be in the wrong.
They do not have to, of course. I think that in many cases, the law of forgiveness should be practiced if the spouse is repentant. But the rule is set down as an option.
So do not think that all divorces are illegitimate. In those instances where there has been sexual immorality, the innocent party may file for a divorce and seek to be remarried.
And you understand why. In the OT, adultery was a capital offense. The adulterer could be put to death. So there’s a sense in which this marriage is “’til death do you part.” When a person committed adultery, it was as if they had died. So you could divorce them and be remarried without being in sin.
But even though there may be this exception, you understand what Jesus is dealing with. You understand that he is pointing out that they are proliferating the sin of adultery by virtue of their sinful divorces.
Keep in mind who Jesus' audience is, too. Jesus is speaking to the covenant community. These are people who are supposed to be believers, and since they should fear God, they should understand their responsibility to work out their problems in a godly way. They should be willing to suffer long with one another and demonstrate forbearance. They should be willing to show some humility and repent of the sins that they have committed. They should be dedicated to communicating with one another about their issues, and be willing to do everything in their power to live together in harmony.
But they weren’t. They were breaking that covenant that God had established between them and they were going off and getting new wives and new husbands. And Jesus is saying that this was wrong. This remarriage was a direct violation of the 7th commandment.
Even though the marriage is legally ended, they have no right in God’s eyes to be in a divorced state. They have a responsibility to be reconciled to one another and remarried. Don’t get me wrong, they are no longer married when that divorce is filed. But that does not mean that their obligations towards one another are finished at that point. They are still under a divine obligation to repent of their sins, forgive one another, and work towards restoring the marriage.
And if they become involved with someone else, that person is an intruder. That third party is breaking in upon the covenant that the two had already made. And that is why it is adultery. Despite having gone through the legal processes, the couple should still be married (it is ’til death do they part). To become involved with another person is only serving to further violate that covenant.
III. The principle Jesus assumes
Two people who love the Lord should be able to love each other and uphold their marital vows. A couple should be able to make a marriage work because they have committed themselves to each other and to God.
Really, when you think about it, there’s not too much difference between this passage and the one that we looked at last week. What is lust? It’s merely a craving for something better. It is a form of self-gratification. It is trying to find self-satisfaction in a way that is easy and without any strings attached.
There’s a similar thing here. In most cases, divorce is merely a form of self-gratification. It is attempting to find something more satisfying. You long for something better. You long for peace. You long for things to be just the way you want them to be.
That’s why so many marriages end. It is because they are built on a form of lust. The couple is looking for and lusting after their own pleasures.
But that’s not what marriage is about. You do not enter into marriage because you are trying to get something out of it. You do not enter into a marriage because you expect this person to gratify you. You should enter into a marriage because you expect to pour yourself out in service to your spouse. Your aim should be to please her or to please him.
As a matter of fact, when I do premarital counseling, I have a set of questions that I ask the couple in the opening session. One of the questions I ask them is, “Will this person be a better person because of you?” I don’t expect the couple to have an answer, but I do expect that this question will help set the tone for what they do. It provides some orientation towards what your obligation is in marriage. It makes you think about what the real goal is for you in this marriage.
And when you have that mindset of serving and denying yourself, marriage does become pleasing to you. There is unending joy in it. You find a great deal of pleasure. But that is all a byproduct. It is not the end in itself. That pleasure is not what you are pursuing. It comes to you because you both are pursuing the other person’s ultimate satisfaction.
And if that is your mindset, then you should be able to work out your problems. You will never be willing to change if you are not seeking the other person’s welfare.
But if you are seeking their good, then there’s no problem that can’t be solved. Since you are willing to lay aside your desires and preferences, you can make adjustments in your lifestyle that will bring about solid resolutions to those problems. It will promote healthy communication about what the problems are and what can be done about them.
All in all, this passage speaks pretty heavily to our selfishness. It’s not first and foremost about adultery; it is about our interest in ourselves. That is what gives birth to the divorce, and that’s why we will resist being reconciled. That’s why we’ll involve ourselves in the subsequent adultery.
But what Jesus is assuming is that real marriages will be built on the self-denying love that will cause one another to flourish. He’s assuming that two Christian people will be humble enough to admit their mistakes and take the steps that are needed to reconcile and work out their problems.
IV. The pardon Jesus affords
There might be someone who finds that this hits home. Perhaps it never occurred to them that their current relationship is an adulterous one. Or perhaps you might be seeing that your approach to marriage has not been what it should be. Maybe you are not divorced, but you have the mindset that leads to divorce.
Here’s where you can understand that there is grace. You can remember God’s covenant. You see, Jesus is committed to his bride. He’s committed to his church. He’s really the ideal husband. He has been willing to bear with the sins and shortcomings of his people throughout all their generations.
You see, he didn’t enter into a relationship with his people for his own benefit. He has pledged to love and seek our welfare, and he was willing even to die for this relationship. What we find is that he’s sealed this relationship in his blood, and so there’s nothing that will separate us. He’s never going to leave us nor forsake us. He’s established this covenant between us and promised to have us as his own all our days.
And as we turn to him, we can be assured that he will grant us the pardon we need. We can be assured that our sins, whatever they may be, will not be held against us because he is a gracious God and a God who is willing to do what it takes to work this relationship out.
What’s more, seeing his dedication to us and his unwillingness to cast us off should make us more determined to pursue the things that he wants. Thus, it’s not ultimately about what I want or what my spouse wants, it is about what Christ wants.
“It was also said, ‘Whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce.’ But I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except on the ground of sexual immorality, makes her commit adultery, and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.”
We are in the thick of it here in the Sermon on the Mount. I think it would be interesting to be able to go back in time and witness the reactions on people’s faces as Jesus first preached this sermon. As I work through the text, you can’t help but see the shocking ways Jesus has been correcting wrong thinking and misinterpretations of the OT laws; he’s been drilling straight into the hearts of his audience.
So many people of Jesus’ time thought that they were righteous. They had an air of innocence about them. But Jesus has been pulling back the curtain to expose their guilt. He started with murder. You can imagine the faces on some of them when he said, “Your anger, your name-calling, your failure to be reconciled - these grudges that you hold are all types of homicide. You might not stand before the Sanhedrin or have to make arguments in a Roman court, but you will stand before the judgment seat of God.”
Then he moves to the seventh commandment, and you might say that he undresses the issue there so that everyone feels naked and exposed before God. It gets a little uncomfortable when he starts saying that your looks and mental indulgences are obscene to God. The fact that you do not deal swiftly and drastically with the lusts of your heart shows that you are adulterers.
Now, in our passage today, he takes that seventh commandment one step further. He continues to deal with the seventh commandment, but this time he really rips it open. Those who were self-righteous would have really been hit hard when he says that they were not just adulterers at heart, but they were bonafide adulterers by the way they defied the sanctity of their marriages.
I would assume that much of what we have talked about has been convicting at several different points for us as well. I would further assume that today’s message will be even more eye-opening, especially given the proliferation of divorce in our society today.
Some of you might be thinking that since we have two verses today, that means a short outline, but I regret to report that I have four points that I would like to us to think about today: 1) The problem Jesus addresses, 2) the perversity Jesus attacks, 3) the principle Jesus assumes, and 4) the pardon Jesus affords.
I. The problem Jesus addresses
Jesus states in the opening verse (31), “It was also said, ‘Whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce.’” In stating those words, Jesus is highlighting the common practice of his day.
The problem was that in Jesus’ day, there was a proliferation of divorce, much like our own day. There was a belief that you could divorce your wife for basically any reason. If she came to displease you in some way, whether she burned your toast in the morning or just got on your nerves a bit, you could be justified in kicking her out of the house and sending her away.
The only encumbrance was that you had to file the proper paperwork. That’s the issue of the certificate of divorce that Jesus mentions. Many of the religious teachers said that as long as you filed the correct documents and made sure to get the legal paperwork written up, then you were justified in breaking off your marriage.
You see how the self-righteousness is evident here, don’t you? It’s all about the external. It’s all about the formalities. Just get the right credentials, make sure you have the lingo right, and if you do, God will be perfectly happy with you.
Now, there was a law in the OT that talked about divorce and the need for a legal certificate. I do want to make that clear. Deut. 24 says that if your wife comes to displease you and you find some indecency in her and you want to divorce her, part of what you need to do is write up a formal certificate of divorce. Once you have this decree, you must put it in her hand. That’s part of the regulation regarding divorce.
The problem was that the religious leaders came to think that this was giving credence to divorce. They thought that this law justified one’s divorce. That was not the case at all. What the law was meant to do was regulate and restrain the practice of divorce.
Moses was given this law in order to help prevent divorce from happening. Part of the reason for it was to make it more difficult for men and women to get divorced. In the ancient world (and even many places around the world still today), all you had to do to get a divorce was to shout “I divorce you” three times. So, if you got into a spat, there in the heat of your passion, you could just shout and it was settled.
This law made divorce a little more difficult. It gave you time to cool off and think about how stupid you were to get angry. It gave you time to see your faults and work out your problems.
So, in that sense, it restrained divorce. But it also regulated the evil of divorce. You know, God’s not dumb. He knows men are evil and are not going to work out their problems. Men are going to defy God and send their wives away, so God sought to put certain regulations on it to keep society from falling into anarchy.
He does the same thing with slavery, does he not? You were not supposed to enslave your fellow Jew. But it happened. Now God said, if someone is enslaved, you can’t just beat them and disregard their life. You have to treat them with respect and give regard to their dignity.
So, you see, the religious leaders had completely missed the point of this law. They had created a form of no-fault divorce, like we have today. And they justified it. They justified their sin by the legalese.
Now, you see how the problem is very much akin to what is going on in our day. Marriage is not looked upon as a sacred covenant that two people enter into ’til death do they part. Marriage is looked at as a convention which can allow you certain pleasures and perks, and the moment that the husband or wife fails to provide that pleasure, then it may be terminated.
Today, we even put in our law code language that will help to justify our actions. Many states have what they call “no-fault” divorce laws so that people can get a divorce on the basis of what they call “irreconcilable differences” or “incompatibility.”
But there’s no such thing as an “irreconcilable difference.” Every difference is reconcilable. It just means you need to change. You need to repent or learn to show a little grace. And if you really think about it, there is no such thing as compatibility. After all, we are all sinners. We naturally repel one another.
All in all, we find ourselves in much the same situation today as it was in Jesus’ day. Divorce has become a commonplace thing. There has, for all practical purposes, become a serious downgrade in regard to the marriage covenant, so that people may leave their spouse without much ado.
That was the problem Jesus was addressing, but that’s not the only problem. Jesus points out that this problem leads to an even greater wickedness. And this is where we can talk about the perversity Jesus attacks.
II. The perversity Jesus attacks
Look at verse 32. Jesus says, “But I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except on the ground of sexual immorality, makes her commit adultery, and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.”
I mentioned a few moments ago that Jesus has just pointed out how the Jews may be adulterers at heart. Here he is pointing out that they are, in fact, violating the 7th commandment outright. They thought that they were innocent in regard to adultery, but Jesus points out that they were actually committing the act of adultery by virtue of how they were divorcing and entering into new marriages.
Now, you understand that Jesus puts down an exception clause. We should not miss that. Jesus says that sexual immorality can and does make lawful grounds for divorce. He says that there is one case in which divorce may be acceptable in God’s eyes, and it is when one of the parties in the relationship commits adultery. When that happens, someone may pursue a divorce and not be in the wrong.
They do not have to, of course. I think that in many cases, the law of forgiveness should be practiced if the spouse is repentant. But the rule is set down as an option.
So do not think that all divorces are illegitimate. In those instances where there has been sexual immorality, the innocent party may file for a divorce and seek to be remarried.
And you understand why. In the OT, adultery was a capital offense. The adulterer could be put to death. So there’s a sense in which this marriage is “’til death do you part.” When a person committed adultery, it was as if they had died. So you could divorce them and be remarried without being in sin.
But even though there may be this exception, you understand what Jesus is dealing with. You understand that he is pointing out that they are proliferating the sin of adultery by virtue of their sinful divorces.
Keep in mind who Jesus' audience is, too. Jesus is speaking to the covenant community. These are people who are supposed to be believers, and since they should fear God, they should understand their responsibility to work out their problems in a godly way. They should be willing to suffer long with one another and demonstrate forbearance. They should be willing to show some humility and repent of the sins that they have committed. They should be dedicated to communicating with one another about their issues, and be willing to do everything in their power to live together in harmony.
But they weren’t. They were breaking that covenant that God had established between them and they were going off and getting new wives and new husbands. And Jesus is saying that this was wrong. This remarriage was a direct violation of the 7th commandment.
Even though the marriage is legally ended, they have no right in God’s eyes to be in a divorced state. They have a responsibility to be reconciled to one another and remarried. Don’t get me wrong, they are no longer married when that divorce is filed. But that does not mean that their obligations towards one another are finished at that point. They are still under a divine obligation to repent of their sins, forgive one another, and work towards restoring the marriage.
And if they become involved with someone else, that person is an intruder. That third party is breaking in upon the covenant that the two had already made. And that is why it is adultery. Despite having gone through the legal processes, the couple should still be married (it is ’til death do they part). To become involved with another person is only serving to further violate that covenant.
III. The principle Jesus assumes
Two people who love the Lord should be able to love each other and uphold their marital vows. A couple should be able to make a marriage work because they have committed themselves to each other and to God.
Really, when you think about it, there’s not too much difference between this passage and the one that we looked at last week. What is lust? It’s merely a craving for something better. It is a form of self-gratification. It is trying to find self-satisfaction in a way that is easy and without any strings attached.
There’s a similar thing here. In most cases, divorce is merely a form of self-gratification. It is attempting to find something more satisfying. You long for something better. You long for peace. You long for things to be just the way you want them to be.
That’s why so many marriages end. It is because they are built on a form of lust. The couple is looking for and lusting after their own pleasures.
But that’s not what marriage is about. You do not enter into marriage because you are trying to get something out of it. You do not enter into a marriage because you expect this person to gratify you. You should enter into a marriage because you expect to pour yourself out in service to your spouse. Your aim should be to please her or to please him.
As a matter of fact, when I do premarital counseling, I have a set of questions that I ask the couple in the opening session. One of the questions I ask them is, “Will this person be a better person because of you?” I don’t expect the couple to have an answer, but I do expect that this question will help set the tone for what they do. It provides some orientation towards what your obligation is in marriage. It makes you think about what the real goal is for you in this marriage.
And when you have that mindset of serving and denying yourself, marriage does become pleasing to you. There is unending joy in it. You find a great deal of pleasure. But that is all a byproduct. It is not the end in itself. That pleasure is not what you are pursuing. It comes to you because you both are pursuing the other person’s ultimate satisfaction.
And if that is your mindset, then you should be able to work out your problems. You will never be willing to change if you are not seeking the other person’s welfare.
But if you are seeking their good, then there’s no problem that can’t be solved. Since you are willing to lay aside your desires and preferences, you can make adjustments in your lifestyle that will bring about solid resolutions to those problems. It will promote healthy communication about what the problems are and what can be done about them.
All in all, this passage speaks pretty heavily to our selfishness. It’s not first and foremost about adultery; it is about our interest in ourselves. That is what gives birth to the divorce, and that’s why we will resist being reconciled. That’s why we’ll involve ourselves in the subsequent adultery.
But what Jesus is assuming is that real marriages will be built on the self-denying love that will cause one another to flourish. He’s assuming that two Christian people will be humble enough to admit their mistakes and take the steps that are needed to reconcile and work out their problems.
IV. The pardon Jesus affords
There might be someone who finds that this hits home. Perhaps it never occurred to them that their current relationship is an adulterous one. Or perhaps you might be seeing that your approach to marriage has not been what it should be. Maybe you are not divorced, but you have the mindset that leads to divorce.
Here’s where you can understand that there is grace. You can remember God’s covenant. You see, Jesus is committed to his bride. He’s committed to his church. He’s really the ideal husband. He has been willing to bear with the sins and shortcomings of his people throughout all their generations.
You see, he didn’t enter into a relationship with his people for his own benefit. He has pledged to love and seek our welfare, and he was willing even to die for this relationship. What we find is that he’s sealed this relationship in his blood, and so there’s nothing that will separate us. He’s never going to leave us nor forsake us. He’s established this covenant between us and promised to have us as his own all our days.
And as we turn to him, we can be assured that he will grant us the pardon we need. We can be assured that our sins, whatever they may be, will not be held against us because he is a gracious God and a God who is willing to do what it takes to work this relationship out.
What’s more, seeing his dedication to us and his unwillingness to cast us off should make us more determined to pursue the things that he wants. Thus, it’s not ultimately about what I want or what my spouse wants, it is about what Christ wants.