Understanding Marriage
...
The Role of the Wife
Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.
Ephesians 5:22-24
Good morning! I invite you to turn with me in your Bibles to Ephesians 5. This morning we are going to be looking at verses 22-24.
This morning’s text is the famous passage on the role of wives. Specifically it speaks of a woman’s call to submit to her husband.
Given our day and age, one almost feels the need to make a disclaimer before reading and speaking on it. Suffice it to say that these words are not exactly thought to be acceptable in our culture. There are many within the church who would bristle at the sound of them too.
I’m thankful that our context is quite different. I am thankful that the ladies of our congregation not only welcome Scriptures teaching on this topic, but I would go so far as to say that many of you have studied it so much that you might be able to do a much better job presenting the topic.
I hope, nevertheless, what I present today is a blessing nonetheless. And I also want to express my deepest appreciation for the ladies (and gentlemen) of this congregation, all of whom willingly receive this as God’s eternal, infallible, unchangeable and abiding Word.
Ephesians 5:22-24
Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.
Introduction
Last time we were together we talked about being filled with the Spirit. And we said that one of the tell tale indicators of someone who is Spirit filled is their submission. The last phrase that we left off with says that one who is filled with the Spirit will be known as someone who is submitting to one another out of reverence for Jesus Christ.
This morning we are going to begin a new section dealing with life in the home. We are going to be looking at what constitutes submission and godly leadership in that arena. We are going to be looking at three different spheres within the home:
First of all we will take a few weeks to talk about marriage and the roles of husbands and wives within that relationship.
Then we’ll talk about parenting. We likely spend another couple of messages focusing on what is incumbent upon parents (specifically fathers and their role as leaders in the home). and we’ll think about God’s call to children and their obligation to obey.
We’ll then wrap things up by looking at the master-slave relationship (or the employer-employee relationship, as it translates over to today). The master-slave relationship was very much part of the home life back in Paul’s day. But we’ll see the idea of leadership and submission as it plays out there too.
But this morning we are going to begin by focusing on the institution of marriage. And specifically, we are going to be dealing with the role of the wives.
Before we get into the passage, I would like make a few initial observations. First, I’m dealing with wives first only because it comes first in our text. We will deal with the husband’s role next time. And we may have more than one message on the husbands. I have not looked ahead too much, but you can at least make this simple observation: There are only 3 verses devoted to the women, and God has given 8 verses for the men and their role.
So lest we have some reason to gripe about submission, I think that the weight of the passage has something to say.
The next thing I want to say is that what we study today about wives is something that everyone in this congregation needs to hear. This is not a time for guys to poke their wives or fall asleep, thinking it has nothing to do with you. I actually think that more men need to understand it, especially in our circles.
There has been a rebirth, of sorts, of thinking about these roles. Guys like Doug Wilson and others have championed a more masculine Christianity and have pushed the idea of a woman’s submission. However, I don’t know how balanced it has all been. While there’s a lot to appreciate about the recent revival of patriarchy, you have to realize that some have gone too far in the opposite direction. In the rush to recapture manliness, I sometimes wonder if some people have gone too far or are misunderstanding the lines that our God has drawn.
So I believe it is important that men tune in and really work to understand what this passage says.
The last thing I want to say, by way of introduction, is that these roles (of both husbands and wives) are ever so important. Let me share with you a quote from Jay Adams. It will summarize exactly what I have found to be true. In his book Christian Living in the Home, Adams says,
“Almost without exception we have found in counseling that when there have been other serious problems in a marriage, there also have been the problem of husband-wife role failure, usually taking the form of role reversal. The husband-wife roles as Paul outlines them in these verses have not been followed. When they are not, this not only makes it difficult to solve other problems, but itself becomes the source of additional problems.”
I would like to suggest to you that understanding these roles will not only make your walk with God better, it will radically improve your relationship. You’ll find greater harmony and satisfaction in your relationship if you grasp them and abide by them.
And that all begins, of course, with the passage that is before us today. As is obvious, our passage is about the role of a wife. Specifically, it is about her submission. And I want us to understand exactly what it means for a wife to be submissive to her husband.
And the way I want to tackle this subject today is by looking at two points. I want us to think, first of all about what it doesn’t mean, and then consider what it does mean. We are going to use the Mike Naylor method. He likes to define things by talking about what it isn’t. And I believe that is really a good place for us to begin today.
That’s because there’s a lot of baggage associated with the idea of a woman’s submission. People have all kinds of different ideas that come to their mind when this subject is brought up. So I want to begin by clarifying a lot of the misconceptions that may be out there.
So this is important for men to listen in on. This is not me just speaking to the ladies here. A lot of men need to understand that there is a lot of wrongheaded thinking in regards to this idea of submission of a wife.
So before we talk about what it means, let’s first consider what it does not mean.
I. What submission is not
First, let’s understand that biblical submission of a wife does not mean that the wife is inferior to her husband.
It is not inferiority
Oftentimes people will think that submission is identical to or associated with having a lower status. If one has to submit (so we think), it obviously means that they are of lesser value or lacking the same degree of dignity.
A lot of our understanding of submission is tainted by our history, particularly the enslavement of blacks in the 19th & 20th centuries. Blacks were thought to be some lower species or second class citizens; they were not equal to whites. Since they were inferior they were to be in subjection, be it as a slave or through Jim Crow laws.
When we come to the Scriptures and here that a wife is to be in subjection to her husband, we may think along those same lines.
But that is not the case at all. Women were created in the image of God, just like men. They have the same dignity and value. As Matthew Henry has said, Woman was made from man’s side, to be his equal; not from his head to rule over him or from his feet that he should trample him.
This is where it is important to remember what we believe about our God. God the Father and God the Son are co-equal and co-eternal. The Father is not greater than the Son. As to their natures, they are both divine and share the same glory. But the Son has a role of submission. The Father sends the Son and the Son willingly obeys.
The same is reflected in the husband-wife relationship. We can never say that one is greater than the other, or that one is inferior to the other. There is merely a difference of role.
So submission does not mean inferiority. Similarly, it does not mean enslavement.
It is not enslavement
Here again the idea of slave and submission needs to be distinguished. A woman is not the one who fetches the man’s slippers, cooks all of his meals, and must live at his beck and call. Submission does not mean that a woman must wait on her husband hand and foot.
You must keep in mind the vision of a woman as it is portrayed in Proverbs 31. That woman is described as an entrepreneur, a surveyor of land, and a manager of many different affairs. She comes and goes and helps the household flourish. There’s a lot of freedom that she has to come and go, to govern and serve.
There is nothing wrong with a woman seeking to serve her husband and doing what she can to help him. But this sort of thing is supposed to be reciprocal. He should be seeking to serve her and make her life as easy and comfortable as possible. If a man is worth his salt and understands anything of what biblical leadership is, he will be her servant.
This really puts the squash on the idea that there are certain jobs in the house that a “woman does.” There can be jobs that are delegated and divided up among them, but we need to be clear that the woman doesn’t just do the “cooking and cleaning” because those are a woman’s jobs. Again, a good man will sometimes say, “Dear, you’ve had a long day. Go sit down for a while, I’ll make dinner tonight (or I’ll take care of the tiddying up that needs to be done).
A woman’s role is not that of a slave in the house. She should be seen as having a great deal of freedom. She has freedom to pursue interests and contribute to the family’s well being in a variety of ways.
Thirdly, a woman’s submission is not one of absolute silence.
It is not absolute silence
here are some who have thought that a wife may have no voice whatsoever in any of the decisions that are made. They believe that a woman must remain silent at all times and just do whatever the husband decides.
What’s worse, they believe they cannot voice any kind of objection. For some reason people think that a woman should suppress her opinions and keep her mouth shut. That’s supposedly a sign of a submissive wife, according to them.
But this is not biblical in the least. Any man worth his salt will understand that his wife’s input is one of the most valuable things that God has given him. We should acknowledge that part of her role as a helpmate is the counsel that she provides. Her wisdom and her particular perspective as a woman should not only be highly valued, it should be sought. It should be weighed. It should, dare I say, be trusted.
We need to recognize that there are wives who are much, much more intelligent than the man of the house. Women can be more insightful than we are. That may be very difficult for some men to accept, but it can oftentimes be true. God has gifted you ladies with different ways of thinking--a woman’s intuition is a real thing and should be recognized as a blessing that God gives to each home.
For some reason there can be a tendency to look down on a woman because her thinking process can be much more emotive. As if their feelings cloud their counsel and make it null and void. That can certainly happen. There may be times that it isn’t the best line of thought. But that does not mean that the emotional vantage point is completely absurd or invalid.
It is precisely because women are different and often have different perspectives that they should have a voice in the decision making process. I actually like what Jay Adams has said. Adams has said, “Unless a man can find a biblical reason not to, he should go with his wife’s counsel.”
Now that will probably sound like wishy, washy egalitarianism to some people. But that’s only because they have had a false notion of what submission entails.
Fourthly, submission is not to be regarded as absolute subjection.
It is not absolute subjection
You should understand that a woman not only has the right to object, she sometimes has the right to disobey.
There are some who think that a wife must obey everything that her man decides. They would even look into our text and think that they find biblical support for this. After all, our text says that she must submit “in everything.”
But that is a misreading of our text. That kind of interpretation completely ignores the context. The context is the church’s submission to Christ. And therefore it is talking about a good and godly kind of leadership. Christ would never command the church to do something that is contrary to his law; he would never command the church to rob a bank or cover up some sort of wrongdoing.
The context is not to be ignored here. It is important because it qualifies what subjection in everything entails. It is not, in fact, submission to absolutely everything.
This is where our ladies need to know that they have a right of civil disobedience. When a man wants her to submit to something that would violate God’s law or go against her conscience, then she has a right to say no. She does not have to submit in that circumstance.
If he would say, “I don’t want you to go to church,” she is not obligated to obey. Of course, she should lovingly and respectfully say, “Dear, I love you and am happy to serve you, but in this instance I am afraid I cannot do what you want.”
The book of Acts is clear when the apostles there say, “We must obey God rather than men.” And we should recognize that a woman should not feel bound to obey any man who asks her to go against God or her conscience.
Again, this submission has been used to force a woman into sexual relations. It has been a manipulation when she has not been up to it. And that is a great evil. A woman is not in absolute subjection to every whim of her man.
It is not submission to every man
For some reason people forget the first word that appears in this passage. Paul is addressing wives. And they are to be subject to their own husbands; not to everyone else’s husbands.
Here again we need to think of the equal status that women have with men. A woman does not have to submit to a man who she is not married to and has no authority over her. If he is not her husband, then she doesn’t have any obligation to him outside of the normal respects that a Christian should pay someone.
And it works the other way too. No man should think that he can exert authority over a woman who is not his wife. The other ladies in the congregation do not have to bow and obey. Or in the workplace. A man may think that he doesn’t have to submit to a woman who may be his boss; he may think he can blow her off because “she’s a woman.” That’s not the case at all.
The passage is clear that there are boundaries of jurisdiction. This is not a universal command to obey all men. It’s simply a matter of one’s household.
Lastly, I want to make sure you understand that this submission is not something you are forced to do.
It is not something you are forced into
A woman’s submission is something she should do freely and willingly. It is a matter of her own conscience and it is done on her own initiative.
To put it another way, a man may not “put her in her place,” as they say.
As a matter of fact, that is somewhat reflected in our text. When you look at the grammar of the original language, you will find that the verb submit is in the middle voice. That means that the subject of the verb is the actor.
Now, there may be times where a man may need to gently correct his wife. He may say, “Dear, we’ve talked about this. I love you and I know you feel differently. But I believe that this is what we need to do and you need to accept that.”
It is not appropriate to pull out his man card (so to speak) and strong arm her into submitting. He cannot say, “You just need to get with it and submit.”
What Paul wants is that you women have the fortitude of heart to accept your calling in the relationship and fulfill your role whenever it is necessary.
II. What submission is
It is simply this: Submission consist in following your husband’s decisions in so far as they accord with the Scriptures.
The word for submission may be translated, “Obey, subordinate, put under.” And the command is that you recognize that your husband is called by God to be the leader of your life and in your home. Therefore you respect his decisions and seek to follow him in them.
That’s what is reinforced in our passage when Paul speaks of Christ and the church. Christ, he says, is the head of the church. And the church must submit to him and follow his wishes. Likewise, the husband is to be considered the head (or leader) of the home and his wife is to give him the same sort of obedience that the church would give to Christ.
So when it comes to how the household should be styled and what direction the household takes, you as the wife must concede to his decisions and support the choices he makes to the best of her ability.
So, if he would to say, “I think that we should go to this church,” you trust that he is making the best possible decision for your spiritual welfare. If he decides that you should move or determines that this or that should be done with the household finances, you make it your aim to go along with it as cheerfully as you can.
I hope you see that this is not as ugly as it has sometimes been made out to be. I hope that as we have sought to strip away some of the false notions, it is not quite as bad as it may have initially seem.
After all, submission is something that is required of everyone at some point. We are going to find next week that the husband is by no means a law unto himself. He is required to submit to God. When it comes to the kind of leadership he has in the house, he must follow God’s directives.
Likewise, we as children have an obligation to submit to our parents. We as a congregation must submit to the elders of the church. We have civil leaders that we must obey. Submission is a common affair.
But best of all, submission can be an easy affair if we know that the one who is leading is acting in our best interests. I will say that if a man is leading as Christ wants him to, a woman will typically happily go along with what he desires to do.
However, submission does take a certain state of heart. It requires a great deal of humility and a right perspective. Especially because there are times when your desires may be in conflict. You may desire one thing and your husband may have chosen another.
This is where you must take note of what our text says. Your submission is to be done “as to the Lord.”
When we ask, “what is submission?” We can say that it is submission to your husband. But we should recognize that it is ultimately a submission to God. It is something that you do, not simply for your man, but for the greater glory of God.
It is not because you trust your husband so much as you trust in God and want His will to be done.
This is what can allow you to take some degree of comfort when there is a conflict of interest. Perhaps your husband is not making the wisest possible decision. Perhaps you know this. But you can still set your will aside and pursue the best possible course within that situation. Why? It is because you are ultimately serving the Lord and desire to see Him glorified in your relationship.
Conclusion:
There’s no doubt that it’s probably easier said than done. But that is really the main contours of what a wife’s submission is all about. As you clear away a lot of the unbiblical notions and strip it down to what Scripture does say, you find that it is rather simple. The Lord calls a wife to support her husband. She’s to follow him and do what she can for him in so far as the bounds of Scripture will allow her.
And I will simply end by reinforcing what we said at the beginning. Those ladies who embrace this vision, they are doing their part to facilitate the best possible relationship they can ever have.
Next time we are together we will begin to look at the role of the husband. And we will see with even greater clarity how we might enjoy God’s greater blessing in our marriages.
This morning’s text is the famous passage on the role of wives. Specifically it speaks of a woman’s call to submit to her husband.
Given our day and age, one almost feels the need to make a disclaimer before reading and speaking on it. Suffice it to say that these words are not exactly thought to be acceptable in our culture. There are many within the church who would bristle at the sound of them too.
I’m thankful that our context is quite different. I am thankful that the ladies of our congregation not only welcome Scriptures teaching on this topic, but I would go so far as to say that many of you have studied it so much that you might be able to do a much better job presenting the topic.
I hope, nevertheless, what I present today is a blessing nonetheless. And I also want to express my deepest appreciation for the ladies (and gentlemen) of this congregation, all of whom willingly receive this as God’s eternal, infallible, unchangeable and abiding Word.
Ephesians 5:22-24
Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.
Introduction
Last time we were together we talked about being filled with the Spirit. And we said that one of the tell tale indicators of someone who is Spirit filled is their submission. The last phrase that we left off with says that one who is filled with the Spirit will be known as someone who is submitting to one another out of reverence for Jesus Christ.
This morning we are going to begin a new section dealing with life in the home. We are going to be looking at what constitutes submission and godly leadership in that arena. We are going to be looking at three different spheres within the home:
First of all we will take a few weeks to talk about marriage and the roles of husbands and wives within that relationship.
Then we’ll talk about parenting. We likely spend another couple of messages focusing on what is incumbent upon parents (specifically fathers and their role as leaders in the home). and we’ll think about God’s call to children and their obligation to obey.
We’ll then wrap things up by looking at the master-slave relationship (or the employer-employee relationship, as it translates over to today). The master-slave relationship was very much part of the home life back in Paul’s day. But we’ll see the idea of leadership and submission as it plays out there too.
But this morning we are going to begin by focusing on the institution of marriage. And specifically, we are going to be dealing with the role of the wives.
Before we get into the passage, I would like make a few initial observations. First, I’m dealing with wives first only because it comes first in our text. We will deal with the husband’s role next time. And we may have more than one message on the husbands. I have not looked ahead too much, but you can at least make this simple observation: There are only 3 verses devoted to the women, and God has given 8 verses for the men and their role.
So lest we have some reason to gripe about submission, I think that the weight of the passage has something to say.
The next thing I want to say is that what we study today about wives is something that everyone in this congregation needs to hear. This is not a time for guys to poke their wives or fall asleep, thinking it has nothing to do with you. I actually think that more men need to understand it, especially in our circles.
There has been a rebirth, of sorts, of thinking about these roles. Guys like Doug Wilson and others have championed a more masculine Christianity and have pushed the idea of a woman’s submission. However, I don’t know how balanced it has all been. While there’s a lot to appreciate about the recent revival of patriarchy, you have to realize that some have gone too far in the opposite direction. In the rush to recapture manliness, I sometimes wonder if some people have gone too far or are misunderstanding the lines that our God has drawn.
So I believe it is important that men tune in and really work to understand what this passage says.
The last thing I want to say, by way of introduction, is that these roles (of both husbands and wives) are ever so important. Let me share with you a quote from Jay Adams. It will summarize exactly what I have found to be true. In his book Christian Living in the Home, Adams says,
“Almost without exception we have found in counseling that when there have been other serious problems in a marriage, there also have been the problem of husband-wife role failure, usually taking the form of role reversal. The husband-wife roles as Paul outlines them in these verses have not been followed. When they are not, this not only makes it difficult to solve other problems, but itself becomes the source of additional problems.”
I would like to suggest to you that understanding these roles will not only make your walk with God better, it will radically improve your relationship. You’ll find greater harmony and satisfaction in your relationship if you grasp them and abide by them.
And that all begins, of course, with the passage that is before us today. As is obvious, our passage is about the role of a wife. Specifically, it is about her submission. And I want us to understand exactly what it means for a wife to be submissive to her husband.
And the way I want to tackle this subject today is by looking at two points. I want us to think, first of all about what it doesn’t mean, and then consider what it does mean. We are going to use the Mike Naylor method. He likes to define things by talking about what it isn’t. And I believe that is really a good place for us to begin today.
That’s because there’s a lot of baggage associated with the idea of a woman’s submission. People have all kinds of different ideas that come to their mind when this subject is brought up. So I want to begin by clarifying a lot of the misconceptions that may be out there.
So this is important for men to listen in on. This is not me just speaking to the ladies here. A lot of men need to understand that there is a lot of wrongheaded thinking in regards to this idea of submission of a wife.
So before we talk about what it means, let’s first consider what it does not mean.
I. What submission is not
First, let’s understand that biblical submission of a wife does not mean that the wife is inferior to her husband.
It is not inferiority
Oftentimes people will think that submission is identical to or associated with having a lower status. If one has to submit (so we think), it obviously means that they are of lesser value or lacking the same degree of dignity.
A lot of our understanding of submission is tainted by our history, particularly the enslavement of blacks in the 19th & 20th centuries. Blacks were thought to be some lower species or second class citizens; they were not equal to whites. Since they were inferior they were to be in subjection, be it as a slave or through Jim Crow laws.
When we come to the Scriptures and here that a wife is to be in subjection to her husband, we may think along those same lines.
But that is not the case at all. Women were created in the image of God, just like men. They have the same dignity and value. As Matthew Henry has said, Woman was made from man’s side, to be his equal; not from his head to rule over him or from his feet that he should trample him.
This is where it is important to remember what we believe about our God. God the Father and God the Son are co-equal and co-eternal. The Father is not greater than the Son. As to their natures, they are both divine and share the same glory. But the Son has a role of submission. The Father sends the Son and the Son willingly obeys.
The same is reflected in the husband-wife relationship. We can never say that one is greater than the other, or that one is inferior to the other. There is merely a difference of role.
So submission does not mean inferiority. Similarly, it does not mean enslavement.
It is not enslavement
Here again the idea of slave and submission needs to be distinguished. A woman is not the one who fetches the man’s slippers, cooks all of his meals, and must live at his beck and call. Submission does not mean that a woman must wait on her husband hand and foot.
You must keep in mind the vision of a woman as it is portrayed in Proverbs 31. That woman is described as an entrepreneur, a surveyor of land, and a manager of many different affairs. She comes and goes and helps the household flourish. There’s a lot of freedom that she has to come and go, to govern and serve.
There is nothing wrong with a woman seeking to serve her husband and doing what she can to help him. But this sort of thing is supposed to be reciprocal. He should be seeking to serve her and make her life as easy and comfortable as possible. If a man is worth his salt and understands anything of what biblical leadership is, he will be her servant.
This really puts the squash on the idea that there are certain jobs in the house that a “woman does.” There can be jobs that are delegated and divided up among them, but we need to be clear that the woman doesn’t just do the “cooking and cleaning” because those are a woman’s jobs. Again, a good man will sometimes say, “Dear, you’ve had a long day. Go sit down for a while, I’ll make dinner tonight (or I’ll take care of the tiddying up that needs to be done).
A woman’s role is not that of a slave in the house. She should be seen as having a great deal of freedom. She has freedom to pursue interests and contribute to the family’s well being in a variety of ways.
Thirdly, a woman’s submission is not one of absolute silence.
It is not absolute silence
here are some who have thought that a wife may have no voice whatsoever in any of the decisions that are made. They believe that a woman must remain silent at all times and just do whatever the husband decides.
What’s worse, they believe they cannot voice any kind of objection. For some reason people think that a woman should suppress her opinions and keep her mouth shut. That’s supposedly a sign of a submissive wife, according to them.
But this is not biblical in the least. Any man worth his salt will understand that his wife’s input is one of the most valuable things that God has given him. We should acknowledge that part of her role as a helpmate is the counsel that she provides. Her wisdom and her particular perspective as a woman should not only be highly valued, it should be sought. It should be weighed. It should, dare I say, be trusted.
We need to recognize that there are wives who are much, much more intelligent than the man of the house. Women can be more insightful than we are. That may be very difficult for some men to accept, but it can oftentimes be true. God has gifted you ladies with different ways of thinking--a woman’s intuition is a real thing and should be recognized as a blessing that God gives to each home.
For some reason there can be a tendency to look down on a woman because her thinking process can be much more emotive. As if their feelings cloud their counsel and make it null and void. That can certainly happen. There may be times that it isn’t the best line of thought. But that does not mean that the emotional vantage point is completely absurd or invalid.
It is precisely because women are different and often have different perspectives that they should have a voice in the decision making process. I actually like what Jay Adams has said. Adams has said, “Unless a man can find a biblical reason not to, he should go with his wife’s counsel.”
Now that will probably sound like wishy, washy egalitarianism to some people. But that’s only because they have had a false notion of what submission entails.
Fourthly, submission is not to be regarded as absolute subjection.
It is not absolute subjection
You should understand that a woman not only has the right to object, she sometimes has the right to disobey.
There are some who think that a wife must obey everything that her man decides. They would even look into our text and think that they find biblical support for this. After all, our text says that she must submit “in everything.”
But that is a misreading of our text. That kind of interpretation completely ignores the context. The context is the church’s submission to Christ. And therefore it is talking about a good and godly kind of leadership. Christ would never command the church to do something that is contrary to his law; he would never command the church to rob a bank or cover up some sort of wrongdoing.
The context is not to be ignored here. It is important because it qualifies what subjection in everything entails. It is not, in fact, submission to absolutely everything.
This is where our ladies need to know that they have a right of civil disobedience. When a man wants her to submit to something that would violate God’s law or go against her conscience, then she has a right to say no. She does not have to submit in that circumstance.
If he would say, “I don’t want you to go to church,” she is not obligated to obey. Of course, she should lovingly and respectfully say, “Dear, I love you and am happy to serve you, but in this instance I am afraid I cannot do what you want.”
The book of Acts is clear when the apostles there say, “We must obey God rather than men.” And we should recognize that a woman should not feel bound to obey any man who asks her to go against God or her conscience.
Again, this submission has been used to force a woman into sexual relations. It has been a manipulation when she has not been up to it. And that is a great evil. A woman is not in absolute subjection to every whim of her man.
It is not submission to every man
For some reason people forget the first word that appears in this passage. Paul is addressing wives. And they are to be subject to their own husbands; not to everyone else’s husbands.
Here again we need to think of the equal status that women have with men. A woman does not have to submit to a man who she is not married to and has no authority over her. If he is not her husband, then she doesn’t have any obligation to him outside of the normal respects that a Christian should pay someone.
And it works the other way too. No man should think that he can exert authority over a woman who is not his wife. The other ladies in the congregation do not have to bow and obey. Or in the workplace. A man may think that he doesn’t have to submit to a woman who may be his boss; he may think he can blow her off because “she’s a woman.” That’s not the case at all.
The passage is clear that there are boundaries of jurisdiction. This is not a universal command to obey all men. It’s simply a matter of one’s household.
Lastly, I want to make sure you understand that this submission is not something you are forced to do.
It is not something you are forced into
A woman’s submission is something she should do freely and willingly. It is a matter of her own conscience and it is done on her own initiative.
To put it another way, a man may not “put her in her place,” as they say.
As a matter of fact, that is somewhat reflected in our text. When you look at the grammar of the original language, you will find that the verb submit is in the middle voice. That means that the subject of the verb is the actor.
Now, there may be times where a man may need to gently correct his wife. He may say, “Dear, we’ve talked about this. I love you and I know you feel differently. But I believe that this is what we need to do and you need to accept that.”
It is not appropriate to pull out his man card (so to speak) and strong arm her into submitting. He cannot say, “You just need to get with it and submit.”
What Paul wants is that you women have the fortitude of heart to accept your calling in the relationship and fulfill your role whenever it is necessary.
II. What submission is
It is simply this: Submission consist in following your husband’s decisions in so far as they accord with the Scriptures.
The word for submission may be translated, “Obey, subordinate, put under.” And the command is that you recognize that your husband is called by God to be the leader of your life and in your home. Therefore you respect his decisions and seek to follow him in them.
That’s what is reinforced in our passage when Paul speaks of Christ and the church. Christ, he says, is the head of the church. And the church must submit to him and follow his wishes. Likewise, the husband is to be considered the head (or leader) of the home and his wife is to give him the same sort of obedience that the church would give to Christ.
So when it comes to how the household should be styled and what direction the household takes, you as the wife must concede to his decisions and support the choices he makes to the best of her ability.
So, if he would to say, “I think that we should go to this church,” you trust that he is making the best possible decision for your spiritual welfare. If he decides that you should move or determines that this or that should be done with the household finances, you make it your aim to go along with it as cheerfully as you can.
I hope you see that this is not as ugly as it has sometimes been made out to be. I hope that as we have sought to strip away some of the false notions, it is not quite as bad as it may have initially seem.
After all, submission is something that is required of everyone at some point. We are going to find next week that the husband is by no means a law unto himself. He is required to submit to God. When it comes to the kind of leadership he has in the house, he must follow God’s directives.
Likewise, we as children have an obligation to submit to our parents. We as a congregation must submit to the elders of the church. We have civil leaders that we must obey. Submission is a common affair.
But best of all, submission can be an easy affair if we know that the one who is leading is acting in our best interests. I will say that if a man is leading as Christ wants him to, a woman will typically happily go along with what he desires to do.
However, submission does take a certain state of heart. It requires a great deal of humility and a right perspective. Especially because there are times when your desires may be in conflict. You may desire one thing and your husband may have chosen another.
This is where you must take note of what our text says. Your submission is to be done “as to the Lord.”
When we ask, “what is submission?” We can say that it is submission to your husband. But we should recognize that it is ultimately a submission to God. It is something that you do, not simply for your man, but for the greater glory of God.
It is not because you trust your husband so much as you trust in God and want His will to be done.
This is what can allow you to take some degree of comfort when there is a conflict of interest. Perhaps your husband is not making the wisest possible decision. Perhaps you know this. But you can still set your will aside and pursue the best possible course within that situation. Why? It is because you are ultimately serving the Lord and desire to see Him glorified in your relationship.
Conclusion:
There’s no doubt that it’s probably easier said than done. But that is really the main contours of what a wife’s submission is all about. As you clear away a lot of the unbiblical notions and strip it down to what Scripture does say, you find that it is rather simple. The Lord calls a wife to support her husband. She’s to follow him and do what she can for him in so far as the bounds of Scripture will allow her.
And I will simply end by reinforcing what we said at the beginning. Those ladies who embrace this vision, they are doing their part to facilitate the best possible relationship they can ever have.
Next time we are together we will begin to look at the role of the husband. And we will see with even greater clarity how we might enjoy God’s greater blessing in our marriages.