Dealing with Anger
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Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice.  32  Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.

Ephesians 4:31-32

If you have been with us for the last couple of months you will likely know that this is our third or fourth sermon on anger.  

A lot of what we have looked at in this passage has been focused on anger and how we are to handle it.  And we come again to the topic.

One thing that has stood out to me in this series is how much our anger has to do with people we love.  I don’t know about you, but I don’t have a lot of anger towards people in China.  Anger typically involves the people around me.

That’s why Paul tackles this subject in the context of talking about church life.  And in the next chapter he’s going to talk about family life.  Fathers’ are not to provoke their children to wrath.  Husbands are to love their wives as Christ loved the church (in other words, not let their anger rule the relationship).
Dealing with this topic is core to much of the Christian life.  That’s why Paul comes back to the topic once again.  It is only appropriate that we strike one more time at the heart of anger before moving into these realms.

There’s no doubt that there’s always some growth that we can gain in this area.  Hearing yet another message on it will still be profitable to our greater sanctification.

You might wonder, what else is there to say about anger?  I actually wondered the same thing. Sometimes it can get rather hard speaking on the same thing again and again.  What else is there to say?

Well, as I looked at this passage, I found that there’s a lot to say.  There’s a lot more to say on the subject.  In this passage Paul tells us that we need to deal with our anger.  As a matter of fact he gives us 5 specific points which can help us become more righteous and less angry.  

How do we deal with our anger?

I. Deal with it in a comprehensive way
Notice the first thing that Paul says.  He says, “Let all bitterness and wrath be put away.”  Then at the end of that same verse he says “along with all malice.”

The word all is repeated at the beginning and end of the sentence.  And you recognize that it encompass every instance of ill will you may have for anyone and anything.  So that means that we are not to let a single bit of bitterness or sinful anger dwell in us.    

The problem with anger is that it isn’t usually concentrated on one person or one area.  It is a lot like the Aspen trees that grow out west in the Rocky Mountains.  If you come to a grove of Aspens, you will see hundreds of trees.  But if you dig down into the ground and examine things, you will find that they are all connected.  It is really one plant.  As the roots spread out, a tree will being to sprout out of that root system.

Anger is similar in that it typically pops up in many different places.  It thus becomes a life dominating problem.  For some people, all they have is animosity and cynicism.  They are mad at the word.  They are filled with jealousy at how this person has it good and they are envious because they don’t think that person deserves to get anything.  They resent their relatives.  They are moody at work because they feel like they are not getting their way.  They are just dominated by a spirit of ill will.  And it is the lens through which they see life.

What Paul is saying is that, when you come to Christ, you cannot just deal with one area of bitterness or anger.  You have to take it all out.  All the bitterness and anger that has consumed you must be put away.  

When you go on a diet, you might try to start eating more healthy.  You know that you have to make it a wholistic approach.  You can’t say, “I’m going to eat a nice healthy salad for lunch every day,”  Then go on and eat pop tarts for breakfast and a big tub of ice cream later that evening.  If you want to slim down, you know you have to have a comprehensive approach to your calorie intake.  Lunch might be a good place to start, but it can’t be the only realm that you are seeking to change.

The same is true when it comes to anger.  God wants you to be rid of every instance of it.  Not only do you have to start speaking to Becky in a calmer, more cordial way, you also have to stop cursing at your lawnmower ever time it gives you problems.  And you must be committed to purging the whole system.    

But you’ll notice that its not just every instance of anger, it is also every form of anger that must be put away.  

II. Deal with it in a exhaustive way
If you look at our passage again you’ll notice that it mentions several different kinds of anger.  There’s bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander and malice.  

What you have here is a list of various kind of sins, all of which fall under the category of anger.  You know, not all anger looks the same.  It can come in different forms.  Anger can manifest itself in different ways in different people or at different times.  And Paul is saying that you cannot pick and choose what kind of anger you put away.  They all must go.  You are not allowed to harbor or protect any kind of anger.

So you can say that a godly approach to anger will be exhaustive, just as much as it is comprehensive.
Let’s look quickly at each of these words.  And let’s try to understand each one.

The first one is bitterness.  The Greek word is pikria and it literally has to do with poison.  A poison can have a bitter taste.  Interestingly, bitterness is its own poison.

Bitterness is one of the tamer forms of anger.  You might say that it is the entry level form of anger.  It consists the resentment that you feel towards someone, maybe because they’ve done something to you or you perceive that they’ve done something to you.  It is a subtler quieter form of anger because it only exists inside of you.  And when it does come out, it is not overly loud.  Oftentimes it is only seen in your gestures, whether it be the crinkle of your nose, a frown, the folding of your arms.   

I might summarize bitterness as just the general the lack of happiness.  You’ve had various disappointments and you are now unable to be happy because you resent the people or the circumstances that you feel are responsible for those disappointments.

Again, bitter people are not overly boisterous or loud.  But they are typically irritable, moody, and they are oftentimes the biggest gossips.  They don’t have much that is nice to say about certain people because their bitterness won’t let them speak of the worthy things.

Then there is wrath and anger.  These are two words we often use as interchangeable when we talk about anger.  But there is a little nuance in the original language.  

The Greek word for wrath is thumas, and it means passion or heavy breathing.  You ever see someone get angry and they just start breathing heavily.

It can mean to boil. It is the kind of anger that pops up suddenly.  You imagine something boiling and it has a lot of commotion.  So thumas describes a turbulent and explosive anger.  It can be more impulsive because it springs up and causes a commotion.  Maybe you punch the wall or you shout.  It just bursts out of you.

The word anger is the word orge and it has to do with a type of anger that is just as powerful, but it is longer lasting.  Thumas comes on quickly and it can leave rather quickly too.  It explodes and then it is gone.

Orge is a kind of anger that you carry around with you for a while.  And, in that sense, it is a vengeful kind of anger.  This word has to do with one’s desire to punish the one that made you angry.  It says, “You just hurt me and I am going to hurt you back.  And it doesn’t matter how long it takes.”

Some people are like that.  They live a tit for tat kind of life.  They cannot let things go. They believe that they have to balance the scales.  And they can hold a grudge for a good long time; maybe even decades.  

Clamor is the next one that Paul mentions.  This is a word that means to cry or to make loud noises.  This is an intimidating kind of anger in that it too causes a lot of commotion.  But the commotion is mostly with words that you are shouting.  You can think about kids on the playground yelling at one another and making big talk; provoking one another and starting to brawl.  

There was a couple I used to know who confessed that they would get into arguments where they would shout at one another.  He said that she could project so loud that it would make the paint peel on the walls.

After clamor there is slander.  The Greek word here is the word blasphema and that’s obviously where we get the word blaspheme.  We use the word in reference to any bad speech about God.  But here it is slanderous speech.  It is any kind of evil that we speak about our neighbor.    

You see how this is one step above clamor.  Clamor is shouting and arguing, with a brawling spirit.  It is an attack on the ears.  But slander is an attack on the person.  You start calling them names and using hurtful words.

Lastly, Paul says to put away all malice.  This could be translated badness.  This is now real violence.  You are destructive, you are causing real harm; physical harm.  You want something bad to happen to them and you don’t mind being the one who brings it to them.

Now, you see in these words a progression.  Bitterness to malice, there’s a range of anger.  There are different forms.  And Paul is saying, look at yourself.  Do you manifest any of these symptoms of anger?  Maybe you are not a brawler, maybe you are the strong silent type.  Maybe you take a more passive aggressive approach.

Paul wants us to say that not one of these is acceptable. We might feel that we can justify our anger because it doesn’t last long or it is not as brutal.  But that’s not what Paul says.  God wants us to know that any kind of sinful anger is strictly forbidden.  And so we must make it our effort to strike down each and every one.  

So, as we deal with anger we need to make sure that our approach is as exhaustive as much as it is comprehensive.  But, we also need to be prayerful in our approach.  We need to rely upon God.

III. Deal with it in a prayerful/dependent way
This is where you need to recognize that your salvation is in God’s hands.  And if you are going to be free from anger, then you need to call upon God and ask him to come in and rescue you from the bondage of your bitterness or your explosiveness or your desire for revenge.

Why do I say this?  Why do I say that you have to be prayerfully dependent in order to overcome these sins.  Well, it comes from our text.

Most of our translations will translate this by saying we need to “put away” the anger.  And that’s true.  We need to do our part to make sure that we are not becoming angry.  But what’s interesting is that this word literally means to lift up.  Almost every occurrence of it in the NT it means to lift up as in to pick up.

For instance, when Jesus healed the paralytic, we are told that he picked up his mat and went home.  What did he do?  He lifted up his mat.

Jesus also says that you need to give to the one who asks and, if anyone takes something from you, you should not demand it back.  In other words, if someone lifts something from you (he lifts it from your pocket or lifts it right out of your hands), you shouldn’t try to demand it back.

This is pretty much the only text in the Bible where it translates this word as put away.  I think they should have left the original meaning.

I don’t think you are not supposed to put away your anger; I think you are supposed to lift it up.  Maybe there’s a sense in which you go into your soul and pick it up and pull it out.  But I want you to think of it this way:  You lift it up to the Lord.  You lift it up through repentance and confession of the sin.

This is the only way to be rid of sin.  You are supposed to stop being sinfully angry, but you can’t just make yourself do that.  Anger is often like a train that, once it gets going, you can’t stop it on your own.  The only way you can be saved from sin is through the grace of God working in you.  And that means that these sins need to be lifted up to him specifically and sorrowfully.  

When you see that bitterness, you need to stop right there and confess it to the Lord.  If you find yourself having some heated heaving or you see yourself boiling with anger, then you need to turn to God right then and there and ask him to subdue that sin.

Let me put it this way:  If you want to win the battle against anger and you want to stop yelling and being vengeful, then you need to admit your are a loser.  You have to recognize that you have no power in and of yourself to overcome these sins.  The only Savior you have is the Lord Jesus Christ. And so you have to lift it up to him.  You have to call out to him and say, “Please Lord, remove it from me.”

So we need to deal with our anger in a comprehensive way, and exhaustive way, and a prayerful way. Fourthly, we must deal with our anger in a proactive way.

V. Deal with it in a proactive way
Look at what Paul says in verse 32.  He told us to put away (or lift up) these sins, but he goes on to tell us what we should be putting on.  And he says you need to be kind, tenderhearted, and forgiving.

In other words, you need to be proactive and begin cultivating the kind of habits that will make sinful anger impossible.  If you are seeking to be righteous, you will not be as inclined to be unrighteous.

How do you stop being angry?  It’s by being kind.  Instead of having a harsh, censorious attitude towards everyone, you need to be tenderhearted towards them.  If you have compassion on them, you can’t be fuming with them.

Instead of holding a grudge, you need to be one who has a forgiving attitude.  

Tonight we are going to be looking at Matthew 14 in our evening study.  One of the interesting things about that passage is that Jesus takes his disciples away from the hustle and bustle of ministry.  He had been full time ministry in Galilee.  He had sent his disciples out on their own to go through all of Galilee so that they could heal the sick, cast out demons and do a little preaching.  Now that they are back, he decides they all could use a little break.  So he withdraws to a secluded place.

But you know what happens?  The crowds follow him.  They figure out where he is and they all descend on the place.  10,000 or more people crash their little vacation spot.  Jesus sees the crowds and begins to minister to them.  But you know what it says?  It says that Jesus had compassion on them.

You know how he could have felt?  He could have been angry.  How dare they?  How dare they inconvenience me?  Don’t they know we need a little me time?  I’ve been with them 7 days a week for weeks on end.  Can’t they just leave me alone for a couple days?

Jesus couldn’t have been angry.  You know why?  Because he had a tender heart.  He was filled with compassion.  There wasn’t room for a sinful anger.

That’s what we need to cultivate.  We need to strive to be kind.  We need to be asking God for a tender heart that seeks to understand the people we are dealing with and have our hearts go out to them.

One of the greatest ways we can be proactive is by thinking through our mess ups.  When we’ve expressed sinful anger, we not only should repent and seek forgiveness.  But we should think about how we could handle that situation in a different way.  How could I have been tenderhearted in that instance.  How could I have been more kind?  What would kindness look like if I were to have the chance to do it all over again.

We may not be able to go back and fix that instance of failure, but by thinking through it and putting in mind some better reactions, we can be more prepared next time we are in that kind of situation.

And that’s being proactive.  Even though it is a failure, you are using the failure as a training ground for future interactions.  And you can be sure that the Lord will be building you up through it.

Well, there’s one last item to note.  When it comes to dealing with our anger, we also need to take a balanced approach.   

V. Deal with it in a balanced way
Notice what Paul says in the last part of verse 32.  He closes out this chapter by saying we need to be forgiving, “as God in Christ has forgiven you.”

Now here you see that word, “as.”  Paul is making a comparison.  He is telling you to think about how God has expressed his forgiveness.  And that is the way you should show forgiveness to those in your life.  

Here you see the beauty of the gospel:  God has forgiven all your sin.  He has taken away the little sins and the big ones.  He has pardoned all you have ever done.  And of course, your sins were much greater in the eyes of God.  They were greater in number and they were greater in their offense.  And yet, despite the incredible debt you had accumulated, it was pardoned.

And it was all done away with in Christ.  Jesus died in order to bring that forgiveness.  Your relationship came at a cost.  He sacrificed something: his own son, for you.  That is love.  That is a dept of love that we cannot imagine.  And it was all for you.

Now, how ought that to affect your dealings with the people around you?  Most of your offenses will see quite petty by comparison.  But let’s say there are a lot of them.  Here’s the deal: It doesn’t measure up to anything that God has done for you.

How then do you act?  Having a forgiving attitude.  Being ready to overlook it.  Not letting it consume you.  Showing a magnanimous spirit.

If you think about it, there really isn’t a balance, is there?  You can’t forgive that much.  There’s no way you can forgive as God has forgiven you because God’s pardon is vastly superior.  It is beyond comparison, if you think about it.

But that’s at least the pattern that we should be aiming for.  God’s given us a template.  He has dealt with us in a way that we do not deserve.  He has been incredibly gracious.  And it is only logical that we should seek to replicate that generosity with one another.