Message begins at approx. the 35 min mark.
I invite you to turn with me in your Bibles to 1 Peter 3. This morning we are going to be looking at verses 1-2 of that chapter. The section we have been dealing with has been focusing on submission. We’ve been talking about the crossroads of suffering and submission.
The question is, “What do you do when you have authorities that do not treat you well?” Peter’s answer has been to say that you submit to them. He’s basically said that we do not defy the normal, God ordained order of society. These authorities are to be obeyed. Even when they cause us pain? Yes, even when difficulty arises and they are not the best leaders, the Lord calls us to submit.
This morning we are going to deal with another realm of submission. This time we are talking about the family and the husband-wife relationship. And we are going to begin by examining what God has to say to the wife regarding her role in the relationship.
1 Peter 3:1-2
Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct.
As most of you probably know, I’ve been struggling a bit this past week. I've had this concussion and it has been a bit of a doozy. It’s been a little difficult getting my work done. I had been struggling to get the sermon written. While I was able to complete most of it during the week, I hadn’t composed an introduction. I just didn’t have the bandwidth.
But yesterday I had the opportunity to attend a wedding. Hannah and Isaac had a very elegant ceremony and it was a joy to be a part. But one of the highlights (at least for me) came when the couple took their vows.
I believe that the the minister must have lost his place in his wedding form. You know how for the vows the couple is to repeat the words of the vow after him. I’m thinking that he must have lost his place in reading the vows because he first said to the Groom: “I, Isaac, take you Hannah, to be my wedded wife, to love and to cherish all the days of my life.”
Then he turned to the bride and had her say the same words: “I, Hannah, take you, Isaac, to be my wedded husband, to love and to cherish all the days of my life.” Hannah repeated those words but paused in the midst of it and looked at the minister as if he was crazy. She said, “I, Hannah, take you, Isaac, to be my wedded husband, to love and to…OBEY!”
It was good to see that Hannah was not doing her vows by any rote recitation. She wasn’t just blindly following along. She knew what she had come to do. She was pledging to fulfill her God given role in that relationship.
In a different context, the word “obey” might have been downright scandalous. Because it was a strong Christian context, I’m sure it only evoked a few smiles. But in some other context you can be sure that it would have elicited a completely different response. It would have been seen as outrageous. It would have been considered a ghastly thing to say, not just to a few. In some contexts it might have stirred a riot.
As a matter of fact, I figure that not too many couples that get married now a days use the old marriage form. Most who marry do not want to use the language of submission and obedience.
While our current culture grates at the idea of a woman’s submission to her husband, we find in Scripture that this is the way God has designed marriage.
Many people view marriage as a democracy, where each person gets one vote. However, that’s not true. A marriage may be better described as a benevolent autocracy. The man is to be the leader and the wife is to come along side him to be his helper. As his helper, she is to lovingly submit herself to him and to follow him with all her heart’s devotion.
As we come to our passage this morning, we see that this is exactly how God has designed marriage to operate. God’s design for marriage is that husbands and wives are to fulfill different roles. And those roles come with different requirements.
And our passage this morning deals with the woman. And it lays down the fact that she is called by God to submit herself to her husband. Her role is to be obedient to her authority, that is, the one who is her husband.
And what we want to do this morning is begin looking at this passage and listen to what it says about her submission. And we are only going to begin this morning. We are only going to look at the first two verses. It is my intention to deal with verses 3-6 the next time we are together.
But when you look at the first two verses, you find that there are a couple things that are important to learn. The first thing we need to discuss is the object of her submission. Peter makes us ask a very important question. Who do you, as a woman, submit to?
I. The object of your submission [1a]
The answer to this question could simply be stated like this: You should submit to your husband. That’s what the Lord intended. When God created Eve, he created her after Adam and in order to be Adam’s helper. That means she was to assist him. He was to be the leader; she was to come along side him and help him. Therefore she’s called to submit to him.
And we find that this is spelled out in places like Ephesians 5 and Colossians 3. But here in this passage we find that Peter specifies that it doesn’t matter what kind of husband he may be. You are still required to submit to him.
Peter says that you must submit, “even if he does not obey the word.”
Peter is essentially saying that you do not submit because your husband is a nice, god-fearing man. You don’t submit because he is kind, considerate, and gentle in the way that he treats you. He may not have any of those qualities. As a man who does not obey God’s word, he may be unwise, inconsiderate, arrogant, and even abusive.
I want you to remember the context here. The context is that of suffering. The situations we have been looking at through chapter 2 have not been the best conditions.
The basis for your submission is not his character or how well he lives up to his calling as a husband. The basis is God’s command. And his failures and his lack of faith are not license for you to disavow his leadership or his commands.
I mentioned abuse. I want to expand on this for a second. You need to recognize that for most of history (and still many places around the world today) women didn't have a lot of options. In the Roman world, women were abused regularly. It was almost the norm. And you didn’t have recourse to certain protections that we have today. A woman couldn’t go to the police and say, “Hey, my husband is beating me and I fear for my safety.”
As a matter of fact, a scholar who specializes in Roman marriage said this: "The wife was very often beaten[. She was] treated well only if she had a rich and influential father or large dowry. For a Roman, [a wife] was just an additional slave, whose job was to provide offspring and add the fortune (with her dowry)."
Some people may not get it, but Peter’s admonition here was to help those women. You can maybe alleviate a lot of those pains by taking a submissive attitude. The more submissive you are and less likely to argue with a man or try to press him to get your way in things, the more likely it is you will not be abused as much.
This is illustrated beautifully in the life of Augustine’s mother, Monica. Augustine was one of the premier theologians of the early church. He wrote a book called “The Confessions,” which is something of an autobiography. In that book he talks about his mother. His father was, in many ways a very generous man, but he was known to have an explosive temper. And Augustine says that his mother acquiesced to him and sought to submit herself to him. Sometimes she wanted to object or explain herself, but she never sought to speak her mind when he was rouse. She would wait til he was in a much calmer state to address him and lay out her concerns.
Monica was such a godly woman that she taught other women to do the same. She gave them instructions on how to be submissive wives. And Augustine said that those who took her counsel to heart, would inevitably have much better marriages and much more happiness. Those who did not take Monica’s counsel, Augustine said that they continued to be beaten and battered.
Now, having said that, we recognize that we live in a different time and place. We thank God that we have a couple millennia of Christian history behind us. We live in a time where women have rights. If you're one who is abused, you have a lot of different avenues to which you can appeal. You can appeal the church. You can go to shelters. Most importantly, you can appeal to the civil authorities. That man who treats you that way should be arrested and charged with domestic violence.
And that's important to emphasize if you are being abused, that's not something that you should tolerate. It is something that should be brought to the attention of the police. It needs to be properly investigated and if need be charges need to be brought against that man.
All in all, your protection and your physical safety is of the utmost importance. At the very least a time of separation may be needed until your safety is guaranteed.
That being said, we need to come to grips with what Peter is saying. Even if your conditions are not the best, you are still called to fulfill your role.
This is dealing with a lot of things that can go through a woman’s mind. She might say, “I don’t have to submit because he’s not a believer.” Or, “I don’t have to submit because he’s not a good leader.” Or she may say, “I don’t have to submit because he doesn’t treat me in the best way; he doesn’t treat me with the respect that I deserve.”
Peter is making sure you see that all those excuses are null and void. He’s reiterating the point that you have a certain station in life. Your husband also has a particular station in life. He may not be a godly man, but that doesn’t take away from his position. That does not negate your role. As a woman you are called to obey your husband and submit yourself to him.
Now that leads us to ask another very important question. As we clarify who it is you are to submit to, it makes us ask what is your submission to be like? What is the nature of your submission?
II. The nature of your submission [1b]
It’s very important that we clarify what we mean. When we talk about submission to a man, especially to a man who is not living in obedience to God’s Word, what exactly does that entail?
You’ll notice that in this verse Peter says, “be subject to your own husband.” That means that you are to let your will be regulated by the will of your husband. You are in submission when you willingly and lovingly conform yourself to the lawful commands and proper desires of your husband.
Let me repeat that. To be in submission to your husband means you obey with a willing heart the will of your husband in so far as what he wants is agreeable to the Word of God.
Now, let me make sure you understand what I am not saying. When we talk about submission, we are not talking about submitting to his abuse. Your submission is a submission to the proper desires and the lawful commands of your husband. And abuse is not biblical.
We need to clarify this because a lot of women (and perhaps even some churches) have believed that when it comes to physical violence that a woman should “just take it.” Some think that a woman’s submission means that she just endures the hostility of her husband. She just let’s lets herself be hit or manipulated because she’s a submissive wife.
That is not what Peter is talking about at all. Biblically speaking that is oppression. When someone uses their place of power to harm those under their care, that is regarded as a violation of God’s commands. You should not think that you deserved it or that you have to simply endure it.
Again, if your safety is in danger, then you need to submit to God and find a way out of that situation.
Similarly, your submission is not a submission to any and every command that your husband gives. As we have seen repeatedly in this study, we are always to submit to God first. And whenever the commands of men exceed the law of God, we have an obligation to disobey the man made command. So, as I said, Peter’s call to submission is a conformity to the lawful commands and the proper desires of your husband.
One of the most basic illustrations of this is when a man says he does not want you to go to church. A lot of unbelieving husbands won’t want you to attend worship. But the Word of God says that you must not forsake the assembly. So if he tells you that you need to stay home, you lovingly and gently let him know that you will happily serve him in most everything, but this is an area where you cannot.
Now, those are the exceptions. Those are the areas where you should not obey. Let’s think for a moment about what it does mean to obey. As I said, Peter is calling the ladies to submit themselves, willingly and lovingly, to their husbands. And that means that in pretty much everything else, you must make it your aim to obey. Your goal should be to conform to his schedule, his goals, and his arrangements in life.
That means, that when it comes to things like how you decorate the house, how you spend money, how you educate the children, and how you cut your hair--all of that needs to be done in the way he desires.
Now, you recognize that a godly man will often welcome your opinion on these matters. A godly man will typically want to accommodate your interests in these. That’s because a godly man cares about you and makes his aim in life to please you as best as he can.
But an ungodly man may not be as accommodating. You recognize that a man can be much more selfish, especially if he is not a believer. And he may have strong opinions about how certain things should be done. He may not consult you at all. And in so far as his demands do not violate Scripture, you are called to do as he wishes.
And Peter says, if that happens: that is to say, if he chooses things that you do not think are wise, if he chooses to do things that you do not personally like, if he chooses things that you do not necessarily want, or if he chooses things that go against your preferences in any other way, you must do it.
Part of the suffering that may be entailed in this passage is that you don’t get your way. The suffering may be that what he chooses may not be the wisest thing for your family. It’s not exactly a wrong decision in that it is unbiblical, it’s just not the best possible decision. And that may mean that the way things are done are a little more difficult. That’s his prerogative as the leader of the home.
What happens is that a woman will want things done her way. She will put her preferences first, rather than the desires of her husband. And instead of going along with it she will create tension in the relationship. She’ll try and argue, or she may try manipulating her husband. Rather than obey God, she’ll try and find a way to make her husband conform to the way she wants things.
That’s not the way it was meant to be. You have to remember the order God intended. The Lord created you ladies to be the helpers. And just like Eve you are supposed to come alongside our husband and assist him. You are to help him achieving the things that he set out to do. And that means that you must conform yourself to his goals and interests as best as you can.
Now that you understand who you are to submit yourself to and what that submission entails, let’s think about what kind of effect of your submission may have.
III. The effect of your submission [1c-2]
Notice what Peter says. He says that you should be subjecting yourself to your own husband, so that, “even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives.”
Peter says that “when they see your respectful and pure conduct” it is possible that they may come to a point where he gives up his unbelief. You may, by your obedience (and by your love, and by your service) be the very thing that causes him to leave off his unbelief and embrace the Lord Jesus Christ.
It’s not a definite promise. Peter is not saying that this is a formula that will work every time. But we know that it can, and often does, happen. It will be much more likely than if you are someone who is always objecting, arguing, and giving him grief over all the different decisions that he makes.
Imagine how profound an impact it can be when a man sees his wife lovingly submit to him year after year after year. They go through their marriage, 10, 20, 30 years and she has been loyal to him through the thick and thin, lovingly obeying him all those years. There’s a great chance that God can use that. There’s a great possibility that he may look at her and begin to ask her about what it means to be a Christian.
Now, that’s the key point that you need to hear in this part of the passage. You can win him without a word by your respectful and pure conduct.
A lot of women who are married to unbelievers think that it is their God given mission to evangelize their husbands. She thinks, “He will never convert if I don’t share the gospel with him!” After all, faith comes by hearing and hearing the word of God. That’s what the Bible says. So there are some women who think that their primary job as a submissive wife is to give him the gospel as often as possible.
What that essentially translates into evangelistic nagging. Playing sermons just loud enough so that he can here them in the other room. Leaving tracts around the house so that he might just happen to pick one up one day. Taking every chance you get to tell him that he needs to believe in Jesus.
That’s not what Peter says. Peter does not say that you are to try to shove the gospel down your unbelieving husband’s throat. As a matter of fact, he says the very opposite. You may win him without a word.
It’s not that he never hears the gospel, it’s just that your conduct is such that it brings him to the point where he beings being interested in the gospel. The opportunity to share the gospel arises out of your life of submission.
What happens is that he gets sick of Jesus. Her religion is an annoyance to him.
That’s not the way God wants you to evangelize your husband. He wants you to take a much more disciplined and long term approach. Over the years your husband has an opportunity to witness how you love him and serve him. How you go along with him and support him even when you may disagree with him. He sees how you do this time and time again, and possibly at some point he begins to think, “This woman’s religion is amazing. Why does she act this way?”
IV. The Glory of your submission
Maybe you noticed we skipped over a word. It isn’t one we should miss though. However some people do miss it. It’s that first word, “Likewise.” This word reminds us that what we read here about the wives and their submission is linked directly to the preceding passage.
“For to this you have been called, because Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example, so that you might follow in his steps… He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree, that we might die to sin and live to righteousness. By his wounds you have been healed.”
Jesus suffered. Jesus submitted to the Father. And in so doing he brought God’s saving grace to your soul.
You as ladies have the opportunity to do the same. As you submit yourself to your husbands, you have opportunity to bring God’s saving grace to your husbands. You embody the gospel and replicate the work of your Savior.
Many may call submission a horrid thing. But it is a beautiful thing. A glorious thing as it is the gospel in mini form.
The question is, “What do you do when you have authorities that do not treat you well?” Peter’s answer has been to say that you submit to them. He’s basically said that we do not defy the normal, God ordained order of society. These authorities are to be obeyed. Even when they cause us pain? Yes, even when difficulty arises and they are not the best leaders, the Lord calls us to submit.
This morning we are going to deal with another realm of submission. This time we are talking about the family and the husband-wife relationship. And we are going to begin by examining what God has to say to the wife regarding her role in the relationship.
1 Peter 3:1-2
Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct.
As most of you probably know, I’ve been struggling a bit this past week. I've had this concussion and it has been a bit of a doozy. It’s been a little difficult getting my work done. I had been struggling to get the sermon written. While I was able to complete most of it during the week, I hadn’t composed an introduction. I just didn’t have the bandwidth.
But yesterday I had the opportunity to attend a wedding. Hannah and Isaac had a very elegant ceremony and it was a joy to be a part. But one of the highlights (at least for me) came when the couple took their vows.
I believe that the the minister must have lost his place in his wedding form. You know how for the vows the couple is to repeat the words of the vow after him. I’m thinking that he must have lost his place in reading the vows because he first said to the Groom: “I, Isaac, take you Hannah, to be my wedded wife, to love and to cherish all the days of my life.”
Then he turned to the bride and had her say the same words: “I, Hannah, take you, Isaac, to be my wedded husband, to love and to cherish all the days of my life.” Hannah repeated those words but paused in the midst of it and looked at the minister as if he was crazy. She said, “I, Hannah, take you, Isaac, to be my wedded husband, to love and to…OBEY!”
It was good to see that Hannah was not doing her vows by any rote recitation. She wasn’t just blindly following along. She knew what she had come to do. She was pledging to fulfill her God given role in that relationship.
In a different context, the word “obey” might have been downright scandalous. Because it was a strong Christian context, I’m sure it only evoked a few smiles. But in some other context you can be sure that it would have elicited a completely different response. It would have been seen as outrageous. It would have been considered a ghastly thing to say, not just to a few. In some contexts it might have stirred a riot.
As a matter of fact, I figure that not too many couples that get married now a days use the old marriage form. Most who marry do not want to use the language of submission and obedience.
While our current culture grates at the idea of a woman’s submission to her husband, we find in Scripture that this is the way God has designed marriage.
Many people view marriage as a democracy, where each person gets one vote. However, that’s not true. A marriage may be better described as a benevolent autocracy. The man is to be the leader and the wife is to come along side him to be his helper. As his helper, she is to lovingly submit herself to him and to follow him with all her heart’s devotion.
As we come to our passage this morning, we see that this is exactly how God has designed marriage to operate. God’s design for marriage is that husbands and wives are to fulfill different roles. And those roles come with different requirements.
And our passage this morning deals with the woman. And it lays down the fact that she is called by God to submit herself to her husband. Her role is to be obedient to her authority, that is, the one who is her husband.
And what we want to do this morning is begin looking at this passage and listen to what it says about her submission. And we are only going to begin this morning. We are only going to look at the first two verses. It is my intention to deal with verses 3-6 the next time we are together.
But when you look at the first two verses, you find that there are a couple things that are important to learn. The first thing we need to discuss is the object of her submission. Peter makes us ask a very important question. Who do you, as a woman, submit to?
I. The object of your submission [1a]
The answer to this question could simply be stated like this: You should submit to your husband. That’s what the Lord intended. When God created Eve, he created her after Adam and in order to be Adam’s helper. That means she was to assist him. He was to be the leader; she was to come along side him and help him. Therefore she’s called to submit to him.
And we find that this is spelled out in places like Ephesians 5 and Colossians 3. But here in this passage we find that Peter specifies that it doesn’t matter what kind of husband he may be. You are still required to submit to him.
Peter says that you must submit, “even if he does not obey the word.”
Peter is essentially saying that you do not submit because your husband is a nice, god-fearing man. You don’t submit because he is kind, considerate, and gentle in the way that he treats you. He may not have any of those qualities. As a man who does not obey God’s word, he may be unwise, inconsiderate, arrogant, and even abusive.
I want you to remember the context here. The context is that of suffering. The situations we have been looking at through chapter 2 have not been the best conditions.
The basis for your submission is not his character or how well he lives up to his calling as a husband. The basis is God’s command. And his failures and his lack of faith are not license for you to disavow his leadership or his commands.
I mentioned abuse. I want to expand on this for a second. You need to recognize that for most of history (and still many places around the world today) women didn't have a lot of options. In the Roman world, women were abused regularly. It was almost the norm. And you didn’t have recourse to certain protections that we have today. A woman couldn’t go to the police and say, “Hey, my husband is beating me and I fear for my safety.”
As a matter of fact, a scholar who specializes in Roman marriage said this: "The wife was very often beaten[. She was] treated well only if she had a rich and influential father or large dowry. For a Roman, [a wife] was just an additional slave, whose job was to provide offspring and add the fortune (with her dowry)."
Some people may not get it, but Peter’s admonition here was to help those women. You can maybe alleviate a lot of those pains by taking a submissive attitude. The more submissive you are and less likely to argue with a man or try to press him to get your way in things, the more likely it is you will not be abused as much.
This is illustrated beautifully in the life of Augustine’s mother, Monica. Augustine was one of the premier theologians of the early church. He wrote a book called “The Confessions,” which is something of an autobiography. In that book he talks about his mother. His father was, in many ways a very generous man, but he was known to have an explosive temper. And Augustine says that his mother acquiesced to him and sought to submit herself to him. Sometimes she wanted to object or explain herself, but she never sought to speak her mind when he was rouse. She would wait til he was in a much calmer state to address him and lay out her concerns.
Monica was such a godly woman that she taught other women to do the same. She gave them instructions on how to be submissive wives. And Augustine said that those who took her counsel to heart, would inevitably have much better marriages and much more happiness. Those who did not take Monica’s counsel, Augustine said that they continued to be beaten and battered.
Now, having said that, we recognize that we live in a different time and place. We thank God that we have a couple millennia of Christian history behind us. We live in a time where women have rights. If you're one who is abused, you have a lot of different avenues to which you can appeal. You can appeal the church. You can go to shelters. Most importantly, you can appeal to the civil authorities. That man who treats you that way should be arrested and charged with domestic violence.
And that's important to emphasize if you are being abused, that's not something that you should tolerate. It is something that should be brought to the attention of the police. It needs to be properly investigated and if need be charges need to be brought against that man.
All in all, your protection and your physical safety is of the utmost importance. At the very least a time of separation may be needed until your safety is guaranteed.
That being said, we need to come to grips with what Peter is saying. Even if your conditions are not the best, you are still called to fulfill your role.
This is dealing with a lot of things that can go through a woman’s mind. She might say, “I don’t have to submit because he’s not a believer.” Or, “I don’t have to submit because he’s not a good leader.” Or she may say, “I don’t have to submit because he doesn’t treat me in the best way; he doesn’t treat me with the respect that I deserve.”
Peter is making sure you see that all those excuses are null and void. He’s reiterating the point that you have a certain station in life. Your husband also has a particular station in life. He may not be a godly man, but that doesn’t take away from his position. That does not negate your role. As a woman you are called to obey your husband and submit yourself to him.
Now that leads us to ask another very important question. As we clarify who it is you are to submit to, it makes us ask what is your submission to be like? What is the nature of your submission?
II. The nature of your submission [1b]
It’s very important that we clarify what we mean. When we talk about submission to a man, especially to a man who is not living in obedience to God’s Word, what exactly does that entail?
You’ll notice that in this verse Peter says, “be subject to your own husband.” That means that you are to let your will be regulated by the will of your husband. You are in submission when you willingly and lovingly conform yourself to the lawful commands and proper desires of your husband.
Let me repeat that. To be in submission to your husband means you obey with a willing heart the will of your husband in so far as what he wants is agreeable to the Word of God.
Now, let me make sure you understand what I am not saying. When we talk about submission, we are not talking about submitting to his abuse. Your submission is a submission to the proper desires and the lawful commands of your husband. And abuse is not biblical.
We need to clarify this because a lot of women (and perhaps even some churches) have believed that when it comes to physical violence that a woman should “just take it.” Some think that a woman’s submission means that she just endures the hostility of her husband. She just let’s lets herself be hit or manipulated because she’s a submissive wife.
That is not what Peter is talking about at all. Biblically speaking that is oppression. When someone uses their place of power to harm those under their care, that is regarded as a violation of God’s commands. You should not think that you deserved it or that you have to simply endure it.
Again, if your safety is in danger, then you need to submit to God and find a way out of that situation.
Similarly, your submission is not a submission to any and every command that your husband gives. As we have seen repeatedly in this study, we are always to submit to God first. And whenever the commands of men exceed the law of God, we have an obligation to disobey the man made command. So, as I said, Peter’s call to submission is a conformity to the lawful commands and the proper desires of your husband.
One of the most basic illustrations of this is when a man says he does not want you to go to church. A lot of unbelieving husbands won’t want you to attend worship. But the Word of God says that you must not forsake the assembly. So if he tells you that you need to stay home, you lovingly and gently let him know that you will happily serve him in most everything, but this is an area where you cannot.
Now, those are the exceptions. Those are the areas where you should not obey. Let’s think for a moment about what it does mean to obey. As I said, Peter is calling the ladies to submit themselves, willingly and lovingly, to their husbands. And that means that in pretty much everything else, you must make it your aim to obey. Your goal should be to conform to his schedule, his goals, and his arrangements in life.
That means, that when it comes to things like how you decorate the house, how you spend money, how you educate the children, and how you cut your hair--all of that needs to be done in the way he desires.
Now, you recognize that a godly man will often welcome your opinion on these matters. A godly man will typically want to accommodate your interests in these. That’s because a godly man cares about you and makes his aim in life to please you as best as he can.
But an ungodly man may not be as accommodating. You recognize that a man can be much more selfish, especially if he is not a believer. And he may have strong opinions about how certain things should be done. He may not consult you at all. And in so far as his demands do not violate Scripture, you are called to do as he wishes.
And Peter says, if that happens: that is to say, if he chooses things that you do not think are wise, if he chooses to do things that you do not personally like, if he chooses things that you do not necessarily want, or if he chooses things that go against your preferences in any other way, you must do it.
Part of the suffering that may be entailed in this passage is that you don’t get your way. The suffering may be that what he chooses may not be the wisest thing for your family. It’s not exactly a wrong decision in that it is unbiblical, it’s just not the best possible decision. And that may mean that the way things are done are a little more difficult. That’s his prerogative as the leader of the home.
What happens is that a woman will want things done her way. She will put her preferences first, rather than the desires of her husband. And instead of going along with it she will create tension in the relationship. She’ll try and argue, or she may try manipulating her husband. Rather than obey God, she’ll try and find a way to make her husband conform to the way she wants things.
That’s not the way it was meant to be. You have to remember the order God intended. The Lord created you ladies to be the helpers. And just like Eve you are supposed to come alongside our husband and assist him. You are to help him achieving the things that he set out to do. And that means that you must conform yourself to his goals and interests as best as you can.
Now that you understand who you are to submit yourself to and what that submission entails, let’s think about what kind of effect of your submission may have.
III. The effect of your submission [1c-2]
Notice what Peter says. He says that you should be subjecting yourself to your own husband, so that, “even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives.”
Peter says that “when they see your respectful and pure conduct” it is possible that they may come to a point where he gives up his unbelief. You may, by your obedience (and by your love, and by your service) be the very thing that causes him to leave off his unbelief and embrace the Lord Jesus Christ.
It’s not a definite promise. Peter is not saying that this is a formula that will work every time. But we know that it can, and often does, happen. It will be much more likely than if you are someone who is always objecting, arguing, and giving him grief over all the different decisions that he makes.
Imagine how profound an impact it can be when a man sees his wife lovingly submit to him year after year after year. They go through their marriage, 10, 20, 30 years and she has been loyal to him through the thick and thin, lovingly obeying him all those years. There’s a great chance that God can use that. There’s a great possibility that he may look at her and begin to ask her about what it means to be a Christian.
Now, that’s the key point that you need to hear in this part of the passage. You can win him without a word by your respectful and pure conduct.
A lot of women who are married to unbelievers think that it is their God given mission to evangelize their husbands. She thinks, “He will never convert if I don’t share the gospel with him!” After all, faith comes by hearing and hearing the word of God. That’s what the Bible says. So there are some women who think that their primary job as a submissive wife is to give him the gospel as often as possible.
What that essentially translates into evangelistic nagging. Playing sermons just loud enough so that he can here them in the other room. Leaving tracts around the house so that he might just happen to pick one up one day. Taking every chance you get to tell him that he needs to believe in Jesus.
That’s not what Peter says. Peter does not say that you are to try to shove the gospel down your unbelieving husband’s throat. As a matter of fact, he says the very opposite. You may win him without a word.
It’s not that he never hears the gospel, it’s just that your conduct is such that it brings him to the point where he beings being interested in the gospel. The opportunity to share the gospel arises out of your life of submission.
What happens is that he gets sick of Jesus. Her religion is an annoyance to him.
That’s not the way God wants you to evangelize your husband. He wants you to take a much more disciplined and long term approach. Over the years your husband has an opportunity to witness how you love him and serve him. How you go along with him and support him even when you may disagree with him. He sees how you do this time and time again, and possibly at some point he begins to think, “This woman’s religion is amazing. Why does she act this way?”
IV. The Glory of your submission
Maybe you noticed we skipped over a word. It isn’t one we should miss though. However some people do miss it. It’s that first word, “Likewise.” This word reminds us that what we read here about the wives and their submission is linked directly to the preceding passage.
“For to this you have been called, because Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example, so that you might follow in his steps… He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree, that we might die to sin and live to righteousness. By his wounds you have been healed.”
Jesus suffered. Jesus submitted to the Father. And in so doing he brought God’s saving grace to your soul.
You as ladies have the opportunity to do the same. As you submit yourself to your husbands, you have opportunity to bring God’s saving grace to your husbands. You embody the gospel and replicate the work of your Savior.
Many may call submission a horrid thing. But it is a beautiful thing. A glorious thing as it is the gospel in mini form.