I invite you to turn with me in your Bibles to 1 Peter 3. This morning we are going to be looking at just one verse. We will be looking at verse 7 and we will be dealing with the husbands today. We’ve been talking about marriage and we’ve delved rather deep into the woman’s role. Now we are going to talk about the husband’s side of things.
Now you ladies might be a little disappointed that there’s not as much space devoted to the men. You had two sermons; they only get one. You may not think that is fair.
Well, if that’s the way you feel, make sure you sign your husband up for our Spring conference that we are having in just a couple weeks. I’ll be giving a message entitled: Whispering Sweet Somethings in Her Ear. And the message is about how a husband ought to communicate with his wife.
Your husband probably thinks he communicates just fine. He just grunts or barks here and there, and he thinks that’s just music to your ears. Well, we’re going to talk about how a husband should talk to his wife. And I’m going to show him that there’s a little more to it than that. If he’s going to be a godly husband, he’s got to learn how to speak to you the way God wants him to.
So, again, if you are feeling some angst because he only gets one verse in 1 Peter, make sure you come out on May 3rd.
But I can assure you that our passage today isn’t lacking anything when it comes to its content. The Lord packed a tremendous amount of teaching into this one verse. And it is certainly worthy of a lot of reflection and meditation.
So let’s dive into 1 Peter 3:7.
“Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.”
As we start off this morning, I’d just like to call your attention to our context once again. We are not just talking about family life in our passage today. We are (and have been) talking about marriage roles for the last couple of weeks. But this has been in the context of a larger subsection within this epistle.
Our study has actually been concentrating on the idea of submission. In chapter two we looked at how we are to submit to the civil magistrate. Then we looked at the master-slave relationship and how servants were to submit to their masters. Then we talked about Jesus’ and his submission. Then, a couple weeks ago, we moved into chapter 3 and began talking about the role of the wife and her call to submit to her husband.
As we come to verse 7, let’s not pass over the fact that this passage starts with the word, “likewise.” Our passage this morning is about husbands. And some people may be surprised to know that the husband is also called to be in submission. He is to be in submission to God. He is, at the very least, under a divine obligation; he must fulfill his role as a husband.
The theme of submission has also been interwoven with the theme of suffering. So the Apostle Peter may be talking to men who are in a relationship that is somewhat turbulent. It may not be easy living with this particular wife. There may be a bit of strife and difficulty. And the question becomes, how do you live with such a woman?
It may be too, that Peter believes it necessary to speak to the husbands. Having outlined the woman’s role and called her to this life of submission, it could be that Peter wants to double back and make sure the men know that they should not take advantage of what he has said.
It would be easy for a man to take what Peter has just said and say, “Yes! Yes, Peter! That’s what we need to hear. Stick it to her. That’s our job as men. We need to make sure they know their job and stick to it.”
Peter’s words could easily be misconstrued and men may think it is their job to make their wives submit. But that’s not the case. Peter has just addressed the ladies. And he calls them to take up their role willingly.
Now, as he turns to the men, he says, “this is your job.” Your job isn’t to preach submission or pressure her into submission. Rather, you are called to look at your own life and remember how you are supposed to live out your own submission.
And as you give heed to the Lord, you recognize that you are called to be a different kind of husband. You are to live with your wife in a God glorifying way. Granted, it may be difficult--the woman you have may not be the ideal Christian lady. She may be an unbeliever. She may be an immature believer. Whatever her state in life, this is what God commands of you. This is how you are to live and relate to her.
So, this morning, we are going to consider the role of the husband and what he must do. We are going to look at his responsibilities and how he must conduct himself in this relationship. But before we look at our mandate as husbands, I want us to think for a moment about our motive. We will talk about what a man should do, but I’d like us to understand why he should do it.
I.The husband’s motive
If you look at the end of this verse, you’ll see that Peter gives a stern warning. He says you need to do all this so “that your prayers may not be hindered.”
You understand that Peter isn’t messing around. There’s some impetus for you to take these words seriously. You need to be a godly husband. You know why? It has to do with the effectiveness of your prayer life and ultimately your overall communion with God. If you do not do what God commands, your prayers will be hindered.
Now the Greek word here is actually quite interesting. The word that is translated as hindered can also mean to frustrate, to knock over, or (my favorite) to hew down. Literally it means to cut, chop out, or make an incision.
You think of Agag in the Old Testament. Agag was one of the great arch enemies of the People of God. Agag was captured and Samuel the prophet came up to him with a sword. Scripture says that Samuel hacked Agag to pieces. He didn’t just stab him. Scripture says Samuel went after him in a slicing fashion. He was hewn down with the sword of Samuel.
Peter is saying that is exactly the way God will treat your prayers. If you do not seek to follow his commands and treat your wife the way he spells out here, your prayers are going to look like Agag getting hit with the sword.
You can lift those prayers up to heaven as sweetly as an angel and they will float up to God. And when they get to heaven the Lord will be there with a sword hewing them down. God is up there playing Fruit Ninja with your prayers.
The thing is you will be there praying for your wife. You will be saying, “Lord, make this woman listen to me. Lord, help my wife to get herself in order. Lord, make her heart soft and give her grace so that she will be a better wife. Lord, I suffer so much with this lady; please get through to her.”
And the Lord will be up there slicing and dicing each and every one of those prayers. He will not hear a one of them. He simply hacks away at them and does not give the least bit of concern for what you are saying.
It doesn’t matter how sincere you are. You can pray with the most godly intent. You can get down on your knees. You can be fasting along with your prayers. It doesn’t matter how much you pray about it. God will not listen to any of it.
All in all, you shouldn’t expect any changes in your life. At best, everything will continue on the same. You’ll have the same problems and same frustrations and you won’t be able to shake them. That’s because God isn’t listening to your prayers.
That’s the best case scenario. What’s probably going to happen is that things will continue to get worse. It will likely keep going downhill. Because you know sin is never static. If you are not putting it to death and the Lord isn’t active in your life, those sins will be evolving into something much more catastrophic. So you can expect that things will continue on a downward spiral.
So we need to recognize the warning that Peter gives. Peter tells us that we need to get to work. You need to be a godly husband if we want to have any kind of real communion with the Lord.
Which then leads us to ask, what do we need to do? We’ve looked at the motive, what then is the mandate?
II. The husband’s mandate
We might say mandates because Peter outlines several responsibilities that a husband has. The first thing he says you need to be relationally informed.
A. Be relationally informed
If you look at the beginning of this verse you see that it says that you husbands are to “live with your wives in an understanding way.” Another way to read it would be to say that you need to “dwell together according to knowledge.”
Now, we pointed out before, something about this word knowledge. The word knowledge in the Bible isn’t just an intellectual exercise. It has to do with one having a deep, intimate relationship. You may remember that in chapter 1 Peter said you were elect exiles according to the foreknowledge of God. Jesus was foreknown before the foundation of the world.
God said of Jeremiah that “before I formed you in the womb, I knew you.”
All of these passages indicate that its more than just an intellectual knowledge. The knowledge that God had is indicative of a deep and personal knowledge of you. He knew you in a relational way. He knew you intimately. He knew you in a special way; a way that he doesn’t know others.
Peter is now is using this idea of knowing someone in regard to the way you should relate to your wife. You need to know her on the deepest possible level. You need to relate to her in a way that shows you have an intimate knowledge of her.
You have to know her needs. You have to know her desires. And you have to know what hurts her and offends her. You have to know what comforts her and what pleases her. And you need to know these things much more intimately than anyone else in this world. You need to know her physiologically, emotionally, and spiritually. You need to know what makes her tick.
And again, this isn’t just an intellectual exercise. This knowledge is to be relational in its orientation. These things are to inform how you treat her. They form the basis for how you interact with her.
If I know that my wife does not like potato salad, I am not going to ask her to make potato salad for dinner. If she doesn’t like wearing high heels, I’m not going to expect her to wear the high heels. If she feels insecure around certain people or certain animals, I’m going to do my best to make sure she doesn’t have to be around them. And if she does, I’m going to make sure that I’m there with her to help shield and protect her.
That’s the idea behind this knowledge. To live with her according to knowledge means being so keenly informed about her that your behavior now seeks to care for her. Most everything you do revolves around her because you are seeking to care for her.
But to do that, you have to know your wife.
Years ago I was a High School Bible Bible teacher. I taught sophomores and juniors. And in my class with the Juniors we went over the book of Acts. At the end of that unit I administered the test. That test had one question. It was basically this: Tell me everything about the book of Acts.
If I were to administer a test today, I would give you virtually the same test. Tell me everything you know about your wife and how that informs how you relate to her.
You are called to study your wife. You are called to enroll in school and get an advanced degree in your wife.
There are a lot of guys who could tell you everything there is to know about their hunting. They have watched videos and researched everything there is to know about the best scope to have on their gun. They can give you all the details about the gear you need and the best place to set up.
There are guys who can give you baseball stats going back 30-40 years. They can tell you everything about players who have been dead for decades.
But you know what they can’t do? They cannot tell you 10 things they know about their wife, let alone how those 10 things shape how they show love to their wives.
Let me just show you how this works out. For the last two weeks we’ve been talking about a woman’s submission. We’ve talked about how she has certain opinions. And there may be times where she may have to keep those opinions to herself. She has certain desires and she may have to sacrifice those desires to submit to her husband. She’s not to be argumentative. Rather she’s supposed to put her husband’s will before hers.
Well, guess what a man is to do? He’s supposed to know her desires. He’s to understand why she has these opinions. And he’s supposed to be so sensitive to them that he seeks to do what he can to fulfill those desires and uphold those opinions.
So, what really happens? If a couple is doing what Peter says here, they don’t end up fighting at all. There can’t be too many arguments because nobody is seeking their own way. She’s submitting to him and he’s relating to her on the basis of this intimate knowledge of her. There’s nothing but peace and harmony between the two. It becomes the happiest, most satisfying marriage that there can be. And it’s because they are obedient to God.
So that’s the first thing you men need to do. You need to study your wife and get a solid understanding of her so that you can love and serve her. You need to be relationally informed.
What’s the second thing you are to do? You are to be theologically informed.
B. Be theologically informed
One of the biggest reasons why many men fail as husbands is because they don’t know they are biblical flunkies. They simply do not know how to love and honor their wives because they do not think theologically about their wives.
Look at what Peter says though. He says you need to “show honor to your wife.” And you’ll notice that he doesn’t give you specific ways you can show honor. He could have listed a bunch of things to do to show honor, like, “1) you need to open the door for her. 2) You need to speak to her with a proper tone of voice. 3) You need to defend her when the children oppose her. 4) you need to never speak ill of her in front of other people; when you are out with the guys, you only speak well of her.” You’ll notice Peter doesn’t do any of that.
What he does do is give you information about your wife. He knows that you will never show honor to her if you do not first understand her from a biblical perspective. You will find more ways to show honor to her if you think about her more theologically and less carnally.
Now, what does Peter say about the woman? Looking at the passage, you see that he calls her the weaker vessel and a co-heir with Christ. And you’ll notice the sweet balance that Peter strikes. In one way she’s not like you and in another way she’s just like you.
And Peter says you need to show her honor because she’s not like you. She’s the weaker vessel.
Now, you understand the grammar here. A lot of people use and abuse this because they don’t take time to understand the language. It says she is the weaker vessel. That is a comparison. And it is saying something profound. It’s saying you are both weak. She’s just weaker.
Many men would be much better husbands if they had this kind of humility. They think they can be brutes because their wife is somehow inferior. But they don’t even realize that God’s estimation of them is that they are weak too.
But what does it mean that she is the weaker vessel? There are a variety of views on this. Some say she’s weaker morally. She somehow has an easier propensity towards sin. After all, Scripture says that it wasn’t Adam who was deceived, it was Eve. Well, Adam was standing right there with Eve watching the whole thing unfold. He wasn’t preventing Eve from being deceived. So I’m not sure that gives him any particular advantage.
Some say that it is an intellectual weakness. Women are more emotional and less rational. Well, if you think that, you just haven’t consulted with a lot of women. Men can barely make toast and fry and egg at the same time. Women not only have every burner on the stove top going, but they are taking care of 10 different children. It’s silly to think that men are intellectually superior.
One of the more prominent views is that women are weaker in terms of their physic. Men have broader shoulders and are pound for pound stronger. This is one of the reasons why we don’t want transgenders in sports. Men just have the advantage because of the way they are built.
But there is some pause about this view too. It has to do with how you measure strength. There’s different ways of looking at this. Women do this whole childbirth thing. That takes a good deal of fortitude. And women typically live a lot longer than men. So the question of one’s physic might be just a matter of how you answer the question.
So how do you answer this question? I personally would view this weakness in terms of the context. A woman’s weakness is found in her role as a wife. She’s the weaker vessel in that she has to submit to you. Her submission is a position of weakness because she has to yield to you and the decisions you make.
If you go to work and your boss makes a decision that you don’t agree with, there’s not much you can do about it, is there? You are helpless at that point. The company could take a dive and your job could get axed. And that’s all due to the fact that you are the weaker person in that company.
That’s what I think this means. And when you think about your wife that way, then that’s going to influence the way you make a lot of your decisions. You’ll show honor to her because she’s under you and in this vulnerable position. She’s delicate by virtue of her being willing to subject herself to you.
That’s why you open the door for her. That’s why you try not to disagree with her in public. That’s why you consult her and respect her opinions. You honor her because she’s a weak vessel under the authority of another incredibly weak vessel.
So you have to think theologically about your wife. To show honor to her you have to understand that, in one way, she’s not like you. But you’ll notice that there’s another reason why you must show her honor. The other reason you show honor is because she is like you. She is a co-heir with you of the grace of life.
Again, many men fail to think theologically about their wives. They do not show honor to the wife because they don’t even know the rest of this verse. They only think of their wife as a weaker vessel. They are rather oblivious that Peter also says that these women are also their sisters in Christ. She has all the same inheritance rights that you do in God’s eyes.
She might not be able to beat you in an arm wrestling match, but when Jesus comes again, she’s going to be standing on equal ground. And because she is your sister in Christ, that ought to influence the way you treat her.
You don’t lord anything over her; she’s part of the royal family. Jesus has shed his blood for her and he has purchased for her a share in the kingdom of heaven. She has equal rights because she is a co-heir.
She is your equal spiritually speaking. And just as God, in Christ, has cared for her and provided for her future, so too, you are to care for her and honor her.
So it all comes down to the way you think about your wife. Once you start thinking theologically (biblically) about your wife, you will find innumerable ways to show honor to her.
But those are our mandates as husbands. To be a godly husband you need to be relationally and theologically informed.
Now you ladies might be a little disappointed that there’s not as much space devoted to the men. You had two sermons; they only get one. You may not think that is fair.
Well, if that’s the way you feel, make sure you sign your husband up for our Spring conference that we are having in just a couple weeks. I’ll be giving a message entitled: Whispering Sweet Somethings in Her Ear. And the message is about how a husband ought to communicate with his wife.
Your husband probably thinks he communicates just fine. He just grunts or barks here and there, and he thinks that’s just music to your ears. Well, we’re going to talk about how a husband should talk to his wife. And I’m going to show him that there’s a little more to it than that. If he’s going to be a godly husband, he’s got to learn how to speak to you the way God wants him to.
So, again, if you are feeling some angst because he only gets one verse in 1 Peter, make sure you come out on May 3rd.
But I can assure you that our passage today isn’t lacking anything when it comes to its content. The Lord packed a tremendous amount of teaching into this one verse. And it is certainly worthy of a lot of reflection and meditation.
So let’s dive into 1 Peter 3:7.
“Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.”
As we start off this morning, I’d just like to call your attention to our context once again. We are not just talking about family life in our passage today. We are (and have been) talking about marriage roles for the last couple of weeks. But this has been in the context of a larger subsection within this epistle.
Our study has actually been concentrating on the idea of submission. In chapter two we looked at how we are to submit to the civil magistrate. Then we looked at the master-slave relationship and how servants were to submit to their masters. Then we talked about Jesus’ and his submission. Then, a couple weeks ago, we moved into chapter 3 and began talking about the role of the wife and her call to submit to her husband.
As we come to verse 7, let’s not pass over the fact that this passage starts with the word, “likewise.” Our passage this morning is about husbands. And some people may be surprised to know that the husband is also called to be in submission. He is to be in submission to God. He is, at the very least, under a divine obligation; he must fulfill his role as a husband.
The theme of submission has also been interwoven with the theme of suffering. So the Apostle Peter may be talking to men who are in a relationship that is somewhat turbulent. It may not be easy living with this particular wife. There may be a bit of strife and difficulty. And the question becomes, how do you live with such a woman?
It may be too, that Peter believes it necessary to speak to the husbands. Having outlined the woman’s role and called her to this life of submission, it could be that Peter wants to double back and make sure the men know that they should not take advantage of what he has said.
It would be easy for a man to take what Peter has just said and say, “Yes! Yes, Peter! That’s what we need to hear. Stick it to her. That’s our job as men. We need to make sure they know their job and stick to it.”
Peter’s words could easily be misconstrued and men may think it is their job to make their wives submit. But that’s not the case. Peter has just addressed the ladies. And he calls them to take up their role willingly.
Now, as he turns to the men, he says, “this is your job.” Your job isn’t to preach submission or pressure her into submission. Rather, you are called to look at your own life and remember how you are supposed to live out your own submission.
And as you give heed to the Lord, you recognize that you are called to be a different kind of husband. You are to live with your wife in a God glorifying way. Granted, it may be difficult--the woman you have may not be the ideal Christian lady. She may be an unbeliever. She may be an immature believer. Whatever her state in life, this is what God commands of you. This is how you are to live and relate to her.
So, this morning, we are going to consider the role of the husband and what he must do. We are going to look at his responsibilities and how he must conduct himself in this relationship. But before we look at our mandate as husbands, I want us to think for a moment about our motive. We will talk about what a man should do, but I’d like us to understand why he should do it.
I.The husband’s motive
If you look at the end of this verse, you’ll see that Peter gives a stern warning. He says you need to do all this so “that your prayers may not be hindered.”
You understand that Peter isn’t messing around. There’s some impetus for you to take these words seriously. You need to be a godly husband. You know why? It has to do with the effectiveness of your prayer life and ultimately your overall communion with God. If you do not do what God commands, your prayers will be hindered.
Now the Greek word here is actually quite interesting. The word that is translated as hindered can also mean to frustrate, to knock over, or (my favorite) to hew down. Literally it means to cut, chop out, or make an incision.
You think of Agag in the Old Testament. Agag was one of the great arch enemies of the People of God. Agag was captured and Samuel the prophet came up to him with a sword. Scripture says that Samuel hacked Agag to pieces. He didn’t just stab him. Scripture says Samuel went after him in a slicing fashion. He was hewn down with the sword of Samuel.
Peter is saying that is exactly the way God will treat your prayers. If you do not seek to follow his commands and treat your wife the way he spells out here, your prayers are going to look like Agag getting hit with the sword.
You can lift those prayers up to heaven as sweetly as an angel and they will float up to God. And when they get to heaven the Lord will be there with a sword hewing them down. God is up there playing Fruit Ninja with your prayers.
The thing is you will be there praying for your wife. You will be saying, “Lord, make this woman listen to me. Lord, help my wife to get herself in order. Lord, make her heart soft and give her grace so that she will be a better wife. Lord, I suffer so much with this lady; please get through to her.”
And the Lord will be up there slicing and dicing each and every one of those prayers. He will not hear a one of them. He simply hacks away at them and does not give the least bit of concern for what you are saying.
It doesn’t matter how sincere you are. You can pray with the most godly intent. You can get down on your knees. You can be fasting along with your prayers. It doesn’t matter how much you pray about it. God will not listen to any of it.
All in all, you shouldn’t expect any changes in your life. At best, everything will continue on the same. You’ll have the same problems and same frustrations and you won’t be able to shake them. That’s because God isn’t listening to your prayers.
That’s the best case scenario. What’s probably going to happen is that things will continue to get worse. It will likely keep going downhill. Because you know sin is never static. If you are not putting it to death and the Lord isn’t active in your life, those sins will be evolving into something much more catastrophic. So you can expect that things will continue on a downward spiral.
So we need to recognize the warning that Peter gives. Peter tells us that we need to get to work. You need to be a godly husband if we want to have any kind of real communion with the Lord.
Which then leads us to ask, what do we need to do? We’ve looked at the motive, what then is the mandate?
II. The husband’s mandate
We might say mandates because Peter outlines several responsibilities that a husband has. The first thing he says you need to be relationally informed.
A. Be relationally informed
If you look at the beginning of this verse you see that it says that you husbands are to “live with your wives in an understanding way.” Another way to read it would be to say that you need to “dwell together according to knowledge.”
Now, we pointed out before, something about this word knowledge. The word knowledge in the Bible isn’t just an intellectual exercise. It has to do with one having a deep, intimate relationship. You may remember that in chapter 1 Peter said you were elect exiles according to the foreknowledge of God. Jesus was foreknown before the foundation of the world.
God said of Jeremiah that “before I formed you in the womb, I knew you.”
All of these passages indicate that its more than just an intellectual knowledge. The knowledge that God had is indicative of a deep and personal knowledge of you. He knew you in a relational way. He knew you intimately. He knew you in a special way; a way that he doesn’t know others.
Peter is now is using this idea of knowing someone in regard to the way you should relate to your wife. You need to know her on the deepest possible level. You need to relate to her in a way that shows you have an intimate knowledge of her.
You have to know her needs. You have to know her desires. And you have to know what hurts her and offends her. You have to know what comforts her and what pleases her. And you need to know these things much more intimately than anyone else in this world. You need to know her physiologically, emotionally, and spiritually. You need to know what makes her tick.
And again, this isn’t just an intellectual exercise. This knowledge is to be relational in its orientation. These things are to inform how you treat her. They form the basis for how you interact with her.
If I know that my wife does not like potato salad, I am not going to ask her to make potato salad for dinner. If she doesn’t like wearing high heels, I’m not going to expect her to wear the high heels. If she feels insecure around certain people or certain animals, I’m going to do my best to make sure she doesn’t have to be around them. And if she does, I’m going to make sure that I’m there with her to help shield and protect her.
That’s the idea behind this knowledge. To live with her according to knowledge means being so keenly informed about her that your behavior now seeks to care for her. Most everything you do revolves around her because you are seeking to care for her.
But to do that, you have to know your wife.
Years ago I was a High School Bible Bible teacher. I taught sophomores and juniors. And in my class with the Juniors we went over the book of Acts. At the end of that unit I administered the test. That test had one question. It was basically this: Tell me everything about the book of Acts.
If I were to administer a test today, I would give you virtually the same test. Tell me everything you know about your wife and how that informs how you relate to her.
You are called to study your wife. You are called to enroll in school and get an advanced degree in your wife.
There are a lot of guys who could tell you everything there is to know about their hunting. They have watched videos and researched everything there is to know about the best scope to have on their gun. They can give you all the details about the gear you need and the best place to set up.
There are guys who can give you baseball stats going back 30-40 years. They can tell you everything about players who have been dead for decades.
But you know what they can’t do? They cannot tell you 10 things they know about their wife, let alone how those 10 things shape how they show love to their wives.
Let me just show you how this works out. For the last two weeks we’ve been talking about a woman’s submission. We’ve talked about how she has certain opinions. And there may be times where she may have to keep those opinions to herself. She has certain desires and she may have to sacrifice those desires to submit to her husband. She’s not to be argumentative. Rather she’s supposed to put her husband’s will before hers.
Well, guess what a man is to do? He’s supposed to know her desires. He’s to understand why she has these opinions. And he’s supposed to be so sensitive to them that he seeks to do what he can to fulfill those desires and uphold those opinions.
So, what really happens? If a couple is doing what Peter says here, they don’t end up fighting at all. There can’t be too many arguments because nobody is seeking their own way. She’s submitting to him and he’s relating to her on the basis of this intimate knowledge of her. There’s nothing but peace and harmony between the two. It becomes the happiest, most satisfying marriage that there can be. And it’s because they are obedient to God.
So that’s the first thing you men need to do. You need to study your wife and get a solid understanding of her so that you can love and serve her. You need to be relationally informed.
What’s the second thing you are to do? You are to be theologically informed.
B. Be theologically informed
One of the biggest reasons why many men fail as husbands is because they don’t know they are biblical flunkies. They simply do not know how to love and honor their wives because they do not think theologically about their wives.
Look at what Peter says though. He says you need to “show honor to your wife.” And you’ll notice that he doesn’t give you specific ways you can show honor. He could have listed a bunch of things to do to show honor, like, “1) you need to open the door for her. 2) You need to speak to her with a proper tone of voice. 3) You need to defend her when the children oppose her. 4) you need to never speak ill of her in front of other people; when you are out with the guys, you only speak well of her.” You’ll notice Peter doesn’t do any of that.
What he does do is give you information about your wife. He knows that you will never show honor to her if you do not first understand her from a biblical perspective. You will find more ways to show honor to her if you think about her more theologically and less carnally.
Now, what does Peter say about the woman? Looking at the passage, you see that he calls her the weaker vessel and a co-heir with Christ. And you’ll notice the sweet balance that Peter strikes. In one way she’s not like you and in another way she’s just like you.
And Peter says you need to show her honor because she’s not like you. She’s the weaker vessel.
Now, you understand the grammar here. A lot of people use and abuse this because they don’t take time to understand the language. It says she is the weaker vessel. That is a comparison. And it is saying something profound. It’s saying you are both weak. She’s just weaker.
Many men would be much better husbands if they had this kind of humility. They think they can be brutes because their wife is somehow inferior. But they don’t even realize that God’s estimation of them is that they are weak too.
But what does it mean that she is the weaker vessel? There are a variety of views on this. Some say she’s weaker morally. She somehow has an easier propensity towards sin. After all, Scripture says that it wasn’t Adam who was deceived, it was Eve. Well, Adam was standing right there with Eve watching the whole thing unfold. He wasn’t preventing Eve from being deceived. So I’m not sure that gives him any particular advantage.
Some say that it is an intellectual weakness. Women are more emotional and less rational. Well, if you think that, you just haven’t consulted with a lot of women. Men can barely make toast and fry and egg at the same time. Women not only have every burner on the stove top going, but they are taking care of 10 different children. It’s silly to think that men are intellectually superior.
One of the more prominent views is that women are weaker in terms of their physic. Men have broader shoulders and are pound for pound stronger. This is one of the reasons why we don’t want transgenders in sports. Men just have the advantage because of the way they are built.
But there is some pause about this view too. It has to do with how you measure strength. There’s different ways of looking at this. Women do this whole childbirth thing. That takes a good deal of fortitude. And women typically live a lot longer than men. So the question of one’s physic might be just a matter of how you answer the question.
So how do you answer this question? I personally would view this weakness in terms of the context. A woman’s weakness is found in her role as a wife. She’s the weaker vessel in that she has to submit to you. Her submission is a position of weakness because she has to yield to you and the decisions you make.
If you go to work and your boss makes a decision that you don’t agree with, there’s not much you can do about it, is there? You are helpless at that point. The company could take a dive and your job could get axed. And that’s all due to the fact that you are the weaker person in that company.
That’s what I think this means. And when you think about your wife that way, then that’s going to influence the way you make a lot of your decisions. You’ll show honor to her because she’s under you and in this vulnerable position. She’s delicate by virtue of her being willing to subject herself to you.
That’s why you open the door for her. That’s why you try not to disagree with her in public. That’s why you consult her and respect her opinions. You honor her because she’s a weak vessel under the authority of another incredibly weak vessel.
So you have to think theologically about your wife. To show honor to her you have to understand that, in one way, she’s not like you. But you’ll notice that there’s another reason why you must show her honor. The other reason you show honor is because she is like you. She is a co-heir with you of the grace of life.
Again, many men fail to think theologically about their wives. They do not show honor to the wife because they don’t even know the rest of this verse. They only think of their wife as a weaker vessel. They are rather oblivious that Peter also says that these women are also their sisters in Christ. She has all the same inheritance rights that you do in God’s eyes.
She might not be able to beat you in an arm wrestling match, but when Jesus comes again, she’s going to be standing on equal ground. And because she is your sister in Christ, that ought to influence the way you treat her.
You don’t lord anything over her; she’s part of the royal family. Jesus has shed his blood for her and he has purchased for her a share in the kingdom of heaven. She has equal rights because she is a co-heir.
She is your equal spiritually speaking. And just as God, in Christ, has cared for her and provided for her future, so too, you are to care for her and honor her.
So it all comes down to the way you think about your wife. Once you start thinking theologically (biblically) about your wife, you will find innumerable ways to show honor to her.
But those are our mandates as husbands. To be a godly husband you need to be relationally and theologically informed.